Donate

It has long been whispered in Washington wine bars and Jazzercise studios thatMaureen Bridgid Dowd is the heiress to the tradition of the great bards of old, those who sang their lusty story-songs 'neath the Maypole at Beltane and o'er the bonfires below Tara at Midsummer. In her Sunday column, she turns her ageless eye upon AmeriKKKa's Hero With A Thousand Lawsuits, Christine O'Donnell.


Were you aware, for example, that Christine O'Donnell is a high priestess of the Dork Mysteries? During a night of orgasmless slumber, she oft dreams of herself dressed as Liv Tyler or Miranda Otto. But mostly Miranda Otto.

The pretty Palin Mini-Me identifies with the women of Middle Earth, comparing herself to the female characters in the Lord of the Rings novels by J. R. R. Tolkien.

"Look at the significance that he gives to Eowyn, the Lady of Rohan," O'Donnell said on C-Span in 2003. "She was a warrior spirit and, to me, that's who I love. I mean, I aspire to be soft and gentle like Arwen, but realistically, I'm a fighter, like Eowyn."

This is all very interesting and good for laffs, because Christine O'Donnell is a very goofy person and this amuses us. But the uninterrupted op-ed narrative thread has gone on for too long, hasn't it? Maureen, where is your abrupt, awkward shift into whining that Everything is All Barack Obama's Fault? Oh, here we are, a few paragraphs down. Thank goodness! We thought you'd forgotten your patented formula whilst dreaming of the Shire.

Obama's bloodless rationality has helped spawn the right’s bloodletting of irrationality. His ivory tower approach to the nation's fears and anxieties about the economy gave rise to a tower of angry babble. Tea Party is basically a big tent for anger.

The Tea Party and Christine O'Donnell are Obama's fault, did you know? Because he is Smart. Not because he is Black and they are doofus worshipers at the flickering picture-box with the Glenn Beck making the talky-noises 'bout the Sky God what done rose from the zombie dead, on the Egg Festival.

Then, of course, there is more blathering about how Obama is wrong, about everything, followed by this exquisite final line:

And Obama can go to Ben's Chili Bowl for lunch every day and it won't matter.

Thank you, Maureen Dowd, for taking whatever prescription pills made that final line seem like a sensible final flourish to your usual clumsily bifurcated chunk of Op-Ed vomit. You have tossed us a word salad of mythic proportions and we, your tiny hobbit-servants, bow our heads in gratitude. [New York Times]

$
Donate with CC

Dame Peggington Noonington awakened in the New York Publick Librarie in a daze. She did not know what series of unfortunate events had led to this moment, but she vaguely remembered that last time this happened a passerby on 5th Avenue had transported her there, having found her on a stoop with eyes glazed over, muttering "Buk! Buk!" If we're being honest, she was choking on gin, but the well-meaning Good Samaritan took her for a woman craving classic literature, and Peggy was OK with allowing that illusion to stand.

As she stumbled toward the exit to summon her chauffeur -- Manuel, who was also her houseboy, who probably was responsible entirely for her current predicament, and would be subject to a talking-to about his derring-do as soon as Peggy's head stopped pounding -- she happened upon a display of new arrivals. "Buk! Buk!" she said. Swallowing hard, she grabbed a copy of Michelle Obama's book and went out onto the New York street without actually checking the book out.

Peggy arrived home safely, if a bit worse for the wear. She had been thinking about America's royal families a lot lately, especially the genteel women who serve as First Lady. She was particularly charmed by Melania Trump's show of wicked mischief last week, firing the deputy national security adviser without regret! Peggy remembered how fun it is to fire people and stuck a Post-it on her forehead to remind her to fire Manuel later, for leaving her destitute among the commoners at the librarie.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

Congratulations to the Dear Leader on his flawless victory in court against the media dogs at the CNN cesspool of evil. Donald Trump is a champion of the people's right to civil discourse, and he will not hesitate to slap those who hurt the dignity of the Supreme Leadership. Take it from Ri Chun-hee Sarah Huckabee Sanders:

Today the court made clear that there is no absolute First Amendment right to access the White House. In response to the court, we will temporarily reinstate the reporter's hard pass. We will also further develop rules and processes to ensure fair and orderly press conferences in the future. There must be decorum at the White House.

Leave aside for a moment the screaming irony of the Pussgrab Administration lecturing the press on decorum. Literally none of what the Huckster said here is true. Judge Timothy Kelly ordered the White House Press Office to reinstate Jim Acosta's hard pass immediately on Fifth Amendment grounds. He didn't reach the First Amendment issues of press access because he didn't have to.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc