Donate

It has long been whispered in Washington wine bars and Jazzercise studios thatMaureen Bridgid Dowd is the heiress to the tradition of the great bards of old, those who sang their lusty story-songs 'neath the Maypole at Beltane and o'er the bonfires below Tara at Midsummer. In her Sunday column, she turns her ageless eye upon AmeriKKKa's Hero With A Thousand Lawsuits, Christine O'Donnell.


Were you aware, for example, that Christine O'Donnell is a high priestess of the Dork Mysteries? During a night of orgasmless slumber, she oft dreams of herself dressed as Liv Tyler or Miranda Otto. But mostly Miranda Otto.

The pretty Palin Mini-Me identifies with the women of Middle Earth, comparing herself to the female characters in the Lord of the Rings novels by J. R. R. Tolkien.

"Look at the significance that he gives to Eowyn, the Lady of Rohan," O'Donnell said on C-Span in 2003. "She was a warrior spirit and, to me, that's who I love. I mean, I aspire to be soft and gentle like Arwen, but realistically, I'm a fighter, like Eowyn."

This is all very interesting and good for laffs, because Christine O'Donnell is a very goofy person and this amuses us. But the uninterrupted op-ed narrative thread has gone on for too long, hasn't it? Maureen, where is your abrupt, awkward shift into whining that Everything is All Barack Obama's Fault? Oh, here we are, a few paragraphs down. Thank goodness! We thought you'd forgotten your patented formula whilst dreaming of the Shire.

Obama's bloodless rationality has helped spawn the right’s bloodletting of irrationality. His ivory tower approach to the nation's fears and anxieties about the economy gave rise to a tower of angry babble. Tea Party is basically a big tent for anger.

The Tea Party and Christine O'Donnell are Obama's fault, did you know? Because he is Smart. Not because he is Black and they are doofus worshipers at the flickering picture-box with the Glenn Beck making the talky-noises 'bout the Sky God what done rose from the zombie dead, on the Egg Festival.

Then, of course, there is more blathering about how Obama is wrong, about everything, followed by this exquisite final line:

And Obama can go to Ben's Chili Bowl for lunch every day and it won't matter.

Thank you, Maureen Dowd, for taking whatever prescription pills made that final line seem like a sensible final flourish to your usual clumsily bifurcated chunk of Op-Ed vomit. You have tossed us a word salad of mythic proportions and we, your tiny hobbit-servants, bow our heads in gratitude. [New York Times]

$
Donate with CC
Screenshot, CNN

If the facts are against you, argue the law. If the law is against you, argue the facts. If the law and the facts are against you, pound the table and yell like hell. And if that doesn't work, just make shit up.

Talking hairpiece Jay Sekulow went on Chris Cuomo's CNN show Wednesday night to barf out the latest Trumpland nonsense on the Russian WITCH HUNT. Remember way back in May, 2017 when Donald Trump told Lester Holt about that hilarious time he fired James Comey to murder the Russia investigation?

"I was going to fire Comey knowing there's no good time to do it. And in fact when I decided to just do it, I said to myself, I said, 'you know, this Russia thing with Trump and Russia is a made up story, it's an excuse by the Democrats for having lost an election that they should have won.'"

Did you think that meant he actually fired Comey TO MURDER THE RUSSIA INVESTIGATION? Watch and learn, kids!

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

In the words of the great Tammy Wynette, sometimes it's hard to be a woman. This week has been such a time for many of us out there, what with the impending prospect of seeing yet another sex predator who wants to take away our reproductive rights getting confirmed to the highest court in the land. Oh, it's almost like we, and our bodily autonomy, don't even matter at all.

Thankfully, several conservative columnists have graciously taken the time to explain to the rest of us why we should stand by their man. Not for his good, but for our own. Because it will be empowering. So come on gals, let's switch out our sneakers for pumps like the the working gals in 1980s movies, set up our desk salads, and just really lean in to see what they have to say!

First up, we've got Catherine Glenn Foster over at The Federalist, who wants us to know that losing our reproductive rights will empower us beyond our wildest dreams, according to the actual title of her essay.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc