Maybe Michele Bachmann's Thefty Aide Was Just Looking For Her Stash Of Feminine Pleasure Devices

Maybe Michele Bachmann's Thefty Aide Was Just Looking For Her Stash Of Feminine Pleasure Devices

We had a good laugh yesterday in the secret Wonkette chatcave, about Michele Bachmann's thievy aide getting arrested forstealing sad little envelopes of petty cash. Or at least we think we had a pretty good laugh about it. We might have just moved on to shinier things, like how fun it is to shoot children with guns, and also spanking ourselves in a sexual manner to Mistress Elizabeth cracking her whip over the numbnuts at MSNBC.

But that funtimes low-plains grifter story combines quite nicely with "he was probably just looking for her stash of black 15-inch double-donged dildoes."

Buzzfeed's expose of the pathetic maunderings of some Christianist politico, and how his whole company fell to shit is a story whose important details of will naturally be overshadowed completely by the fact that the said Christianist politico accidentally sent Michele Bachmann a "female pleasure machine," which was definitely not at all a black 15-inch double-donged dildo.

The emails don’t elaborate on the incident, but one person familiar with the story told BuzzFeed that Elsass had intended to give Bachmann a vibrating head massager to help alleviate her migraines, and that the employee he sent to buy the gift accidentally purchased something that more closely resembled a sex toy — and sent it to her office.

Meanwhile, Bachmann aide Javier Sanchez ALLEGEDLY

[entered] the office just after 6:30 p.m. June 14. The video shows the man opening the chief of staff's drawer, removing an envelope, counting money and taking the cash and envelope with him, the charging documents state.

But he says he would just "take a quarter sometimes" and "pay it back."

The only possible explanation is that the sex-crazery from Michele Bachmann's "migraine cure" infected the entire office with licentiousness, which is what happens in a Democracy, and also why there is Crime. Well, that is good enough for us. The End.

[Buzzfeed / NBC]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc