Mayor Bloomberg On Homeless Children: Sometimes God's Just Sort Of A Dick Like That

Mayor Bloomberg On Homeless Children: Sometimes God's Just Sort Of A Dick Like That

So we have all read theNew York Timesstory about homelessness in New York, yes? And we have all cried for the smart, tough little girl named Dasani, who lives in a "520-square-foot room with her parents and seven siblings" in a most wretched shelter, where life is most wretched, and we have all said, "Goddamn, this is unacceptable and something must be done." Yes?

No. Apparently, some of us think, 'Meh, that's just God for ya.' Some of us who happen to be bazillionaires and soon-to-be-ex-mayors of New York.

Asked today if he was similarly moved by the story, current Mayor Michael Bloomberg told Politicker he’d had a different reaction.

While calling her life story “really quite extraordinary,” Mr. Bloomberg insisted Dasani’s situation was not representative of the city’s broader homeless population.

Well, actually, Mr. Mayor, the point of the story is that actually, Dasani is not "really quite extraordinary."

Yet Dasani is among 280 children at the shelter. Beyond its walls, she belongs to a vast and invisible tribe of more than 22,000 homeless children in New York, the highest number since the Great Depression, in the most unequal metropolis in America.

But hey, don't blame the city or its mayor for that. Nope, blame God.

“This kid was dealt a bad hand. I don’t know quite why. That’s just the way God works. Sometimes some of us are lucky and some of us are not,” he said.

Yes, God sure does work in mysterious ways, arbitrarily dealing bad hands like that. Sometimes he hands out lots of money, like to Mayor Bloomberg, who is just lucky that way, and sometimes he does not. Shrug, we guess. Whatcha gonna do? Hey, maybe you can fight the scourge of extra-large sodas! Sure, God invented the Big Gulp, but that's, like, a Serious Problem, the kind of problem that a mayor should do his very best to do something about. Unlike homeless children living in filth and squalor and where guards sexually assault their moms, because that's just bad luck. Sorry, Dasani and the thousands of children like you, but if you wanted to be not poor and homeless in one of the wealthiest cities in one of the wealthiest countries in the world, you should have asked God for better luck.

And listen, you smirking bastards who read that story and felt disgusted and disheartened and dis-other things, don't blame the mayor. Blame God and bad luck and also the media:

“I think one of the problems is a lot of journalists have never looked around the world–your smirk shows you haven’t been outside the country and don’t know what poverty means elsewheres.”

Well put, Mr. Mayor. That's definitely the other take-home message from the Dasani story. Stupid media doesn't even know what real poverty looks like. Save your smirks for the real poors who do not live in New York. Or take it up with New York's next mayor, Bill de Blasio, the class-warring racist, who has promised to do something about it, but that's probably just because he's a dirty hippie socialist class-warring racist who has some kind of ridiculous notion that homelessness, even if it is the fault of God and the media, is maybe something the mayor should maybe do something about.


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