Mean Judge Makes Kentucky Clerk Murder Jesus By Doing Marriage Licenses For Gays

Yep, lady, that's your God, stone cold rollin' His eyes at you.

Here is your latest update on Kim Davis, martyr to the Christian masses and county clerk for Rowan County, Kentucky, who has been crucified by Teh Buttsechs Gods (read: the Supreme Court and the Constitution and Kentucky Gov. Steve Beshear) more times than she can even count. Davis has already been 'splained repeatedly that part of her duties as the county clerk is to do marriage licenses, and since the Supreme Court throat-crammed America with marriage equality, that includes gays. And the poor thing had been told by the wingnut "legal" outfit Liberty Counsel that it would be okay if she disobeyed, and also she should sue the governor because her religious freedom is being taken away. Heck, they'd even represent her!

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Of course they didn't tell her about how they are shitty bad lawyers who only exist to drum up sympathy cash for poor, persecuted wingnuts, and also they lose a lot. Anyway, a federal judge told Davis Wednesday to go fuck herself. Here's what the judge thinks about Davis's whining about her poor, put-upon "religious freedom":

Davis again argues that the Beshear directive substantially burdens her religious freedom without serving a compelling state interest. The record in this case suggests that the burden is more slight. As the Court has already pointed out, Davis is simply being asked to signify that couples meet the legal requirements to marry. The State is not asking her to condone same-sex unions on moral or religious grounds, nor is it restricting her from engaging in a variety of religious activities. Davis remains free to practice her Apostolic Christian beliefs. She may continue to attend church twice a week, participate in Bible Study and minister to female inmates at the Rowan County Jail. She is even free to believe that marriage is a union between one man and one woman, as many Americans do. However, her religious convictions cannot excuse her from performing the duties that she took an oath to perform as Rowan County Clerk. The Court therefore concludes that Davis is unlikely to suffer a violation of her free exercise rights under [the Kentucky Constitution].

And there you are, wingnuts. That paragraph is all you will EVER need to know about what is your religious practice and what is NOT your religious practice, according to the Constitution of the US and A. You can HATE the gays! You can go to wingnut church a whole bunch of times! You can go to the jail and say, "Hi, I am Kim the bigot lady wingnut, and I'd like to tell you heathen criminals about my best friend Jesus." You can do opposite marriage! Hell, if you are Kim Davis, you can do opposite marriage FOUR TIMES!

But you don't get a pass from doing your job, so sorry. If you cannot do that, you are Religiously Free, as we have previously suggested, to get a better job that suits your religious beliefs better, like maybe make artistic Bible scene dioramas out of Doral Menthol 100 cigarette butts and sell them on Etsy, that might be fun.

Sorry you lost, loser. Oh what, you appealed already? Yeah, you'll lose that one too. But you're still hopeful about how maybe your lawsuit against the governor might go real good for you? Doubt it. Oh, you're going to defy this judge's order, too, because you think you're above the law? Oh wait, you ALREADY HAVE DEFIED IT? Jesus, lady, you're not going to be employed very long at this rate!

Better get to smoking those menthols, your Last Supper shadowbox project's not gonna glue itself together.

[WVXU / PDF of ruling viaJoeMyGod]


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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