MO Supreme Court Won't Let St. Louis Gunhumpers Do Community Service On James O'Keefe's Dildo Boat
screengrab: KMOV St. Louis

Here is a very sad story about Mark and Patricia McCloskey, the loser gun nut MAGA lawyer idiots from the Central West End neighborhood in St. Louis who became famous when they saw more than one Black person walking down their street during the same hour and proceeded to fucking shit their pants for the next one million years. (We must once again note that Central West End is far too classy and beautiful and architecturally significant for these people.)

You see them above. Why, they are like the brave Ukrainians of Mariupol, except for how nothing happened to them and nobody was threatening them in the first place and they have just been full of shit this whole time.

And of course, because these people are the way they are, Mark McCloskey is parlaying his personal pantshitting tragedy into a grifting Senate run.

As a reward for the couple's sad little stunt, they got their law licenses suspended, but the Missouri Supreme Court stayed its ruling, put them on probation for a year, and ordered them to donate 100 hours of legal services, pro bono. Because based on everything we know about them, don't you wish they were your lawyers?

Now the news is that the Missouri Supreme Court has had to tell the McCloskeys to fuck off, after they asked if they could do their 100 hours of picking up pro bono legal trash on the side of the highway for James O'Keefe and his Project Veritas. Yes, thatJames O'Keefe.Dildo Lube Boat James O'Keefe. The same James O'Keefe who did ... whatever this is.


So, you know, if you were being exceptionally gracious, holding out hope that maybe these McCloskey fools didn't ever really intend for things to spiral out of control the way they did, we repeat that the Missouri Supreme Court very nicely stayed its suspension of their law licenses after they lost their minds waving guns at Black people walking by their house, and said they had to give 100 hours of pro bono legal work.

And they asked if they could give it to James O'Keefe.

Was there some confusion? Did they think this was an appropriate request?

As a condition of their probation, they are required to provide 100 hours of pro bono legal services to organizations that provide free legal services for poor or indigent Missouri residents.

Oh. Has James O'Keefe recently re-incorporated as a poor or indigent Missouri resident?

They reportedly asked this back in March, to Missouri's Office of Chief Disciplinary Counsel. Could they do 100 hours of pro bono work for known legal aid organization Project Veritas? And that office was just fucking rude.

The office said that Project Veritas “does not provide legal services without charge to or on behalf of poor or indigent Missouri residents.”

So they asked the Missouri Supreme Court: Can we please do 100 hours of pro bonos on this delightful young man James's Dildo Lube Boat?

Because they didn't want to help the poor, you see:

The McCloskeys then sought approval from the Missouri Supreme Court, arguing that the conduct for which they were punished, namely waving guns at peaceful protesters, “did not relate to conduct that targeted or caused particular harm to poor or indigent persons.”

Right. Again, if you were being exceptionally gracious toward these people, thinking sweet and forgiving thoughts like "Remember that Jesus loves the McCloskeys too," you are free to stop that.

So the Missouri Supreme Court has just had to explain to the McCloskeys, again, that Project Veritas is not an “approved legal assistance organization” in Missouri.

And oh boy Mark McCloskey knows what this is, and it is a conspiracy, and he is whiiiiining his professional aggrieved white victim mouth off about it:

Reached at his St. Louis law office, Mark McCloskey said that the Supreme Court wouldn't allow him to work for Project Veritas "because, guess what, it's a right-wing organization they would say, but all it does is it finds out and publishes the truth on organizations that are sacrosanct to the left — for example, Planned Parenthood."

OK, sport, but we're pretty sure you've been told twice that you're supposed to be helping the poor.

McCloskey said he would look for other Missouri "family values organizations" that he could volunteer for.

Still not the assignment, Cap'n.

"I'm sure there are entities opposing critical race theory — I'll see if I can work for one of those organizations. I'm sure the Supremes won't like that either," he said. "And we'll see how many conservative, constitutional organizations I can volunteer for and be denied the right to by the Supreme Court and the bar association."

How many "conservative, constitutional organizations" are doing anything to help "the least of these," as Jesus called them? Haha, we are full of funny questions.

Here's another:

At what point does this amount to a violation of slugger's probation?

We are just asking.

[NPR Kansas City]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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