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Chapter 10: Pointing and laughing at sad wingnuts who lost the fight LOL


Being a staunchly conservative wingnut in America sucks these days. First Barack Obama replaced all the Christians in the military with homosexuals, and then he did gay marriage to America, and now suddenly, a good Bible-believing baker can't even bash gays in peace without some liberal saying, "If you bake cakes, you have to sell them to gays too." Where did their country go? And here's more evidence! The liberals at the Republican National Committee refused to approve two resolutions, one about hating gays, and the other also about hating gays, because somehow overt bigotry is bad for electablity these days, like that even matters:

The first resolution, introduced by embattled Michigan national committeeman Dave Agema, would have encouraged “schools that are teaching the homosexual lifestyle in their sexual education class also include the harmful physical aspects of the lifestyle.” The second, which would have encouraged Congress and states to pass laws in an effort to nullify June’s Supreme Court decision legalizing same-sex marriage nationwide, was introduced by Louisiana national committeeman Ross Little, Jr.

Dave Agema, Dave Agema, Dave Agema  ... do we know that name? YES WE DO! Agema is an RNC goon from Michigan who is, shall we say, a bit of a Renaissance man when it comes to poor education and bigotry. He's really not into The Blacks, having once approvingly posted a Facebook article about how they are crimers because they don't know how to reason or communicate or control their impulses good like white people can.

He knows for sure that all the gays die between the ages of 30 and 44 (because he lives in the 1980s, in the midst of a sudden, insane public health crisis you might have heard of), and that that's why they want free healthcare. Even more, he's got his finger on the prostate of the completely real (not something he made up, HONEST) phenomenon of AIDS people faking gay relationships with non-AIDS people, just to swindle benevolent corporations out of healthcare. He learned this because he was a pilot, and when you are a pilot, you are adjacent to the "flight attendant realm," which is where the homosexual AIDSers are.

And now he's trying (and failing LOL) to get the RNC to put its stamp on some more gay-bashing, and they won't do it, because Agema's country doesn't exist anymore, awwwwww.

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Ross Little, Jr., the other guy with a failed RNC resolution, doesn't have as extensive a record as Agema, but he's obviously pretty dumb if he thinks his idea -- for states to pass laws nullifying the Supreme Court ruling on marriage -- would actually work in any way, shape or form. The thing about Congress doing that? Also would not work. Click here and watch Rachel Maddow explain all this to known moron Rick Santorum, if you are a confused idiot who learned "civics" from homeschool.

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We tried to see if yr Wonkette had ever written about him, but a search of "Ross Little" in the Wonk archives only turned up the words "gross little" in a post about Tucker Carlson beating up gays in the bathroom, so we'll just defer to the Great Wonk and call him "Gross Little," unless we never write about him again because he's a big nobody.

But never fear, wingnuts. You may have lost the gay issue, but the RNC still approved resolutions saying that Planned Parenthood chops up baby parts and sells them on Etsy, and that Barack Obama's nuclear deal is a real big stinkin' Holocaust of a deal, or something like that. Focus on that stuff, and you will be less sad about how you don't get to gay-bash in public anymore.

[Time]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Wednesday, during Sarah Huckabee Sanders's first public explosion of lies in 16 days, she gave a very unclear answer to a question from the New York Times's Maggie Haberman, which was "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?" Specifically the question was about Russian reports that Putin's rogue shithole state would like to question/detain 11 Americans for their supposed "crimes" against Russia, in exchange for Russia's cooperation in letting Robert Mueller interrogate the Russian military intelligence officials he indicted last week for hacking our 2016 election. Putin's list of pals he would like to have for a chat starts with businessman Bill Browder, who used to be Russia's biggest foreign investor, who is actually a British citizen (LOL Russia is stupid), and who is Vladimir Putin's arch-enemy because Browder and his Russian accountant Sergei Magnitsky (whom Putin later had killed in jail) exposed massive Russian government corruption that led to the creation of "Magnitsky Acts" all over the world that sanction the ever-loving fuck out of Putin and his buddies.

Getting rid of the Magnitsky Act is Putin's number one foreign policy priority, so it's probably safe to say it's high on Donald Trump's list too. Indeed, during Trump's shameful press conference with Putin, Trump said Putin had made an "incredible offer" during their private meeting, and it was MOAR PEE HOOKERS! for the quid pro quo we described above. How sweet of Trump's KGB boss to offer to make such an Art Of The Deal with him!

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In an impressive display of fiscal restraint, House Republicans yesterday refused to fund security for election systems before this fall's midterms, because ... well, not sure, really. (Just kidding. We know why and you know why and they know you know and we know why!)

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