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Hey there, former presidents of the US and A -- that would be Clinton, Carter and those two Bush brats -- thanks for serving your country and all by BEING PRESIDENT OF IT, but Sen. Joni Ernst (R-Pig Spaying), and her Republican friends Marco Rubio and Mark Kirk, want to take away all the fun moneys you get for being Former Presidents. This is very mean, and you should all, in a bipartisan way, get together to tell them exactly where they ought to get fucked with whatever pig genitals Ernst removed most recently:


Little noticed in lawmakers’ rush to get out of town last week, the Presidential Allowance Modernization Act of 2015, introduced by Sen. Joni Ernst (R-IA), would scale back the amount of money former presidents receive for office space, staff, and travel expenses to $200,000 per year. That allowance would be further reduced by one dollar for every dollar a former president earns over $400,000 in a given year.

MEAN, RIGHT? The senators aren't touching presidential pensions -- currently $201,000 per year -- but they're basically saying, "Oh, sorry, President Clinton, you should use some of the kabillions of dollars you make every time you string words together all folksy like, to pay for your own office." How will these living presidents even survive?

There is a companion bill in the House, introduced by Rep. Jason Chaffetz, who is a dick, just like Joni Ernst is a dick and Marco Rubio is a dick and Mark Kirk is a dick, even if he does love gay marriage, so yr Wonkette is opposed to this bill on principle. Look at us, being nice to Dubya and saying he should be able to keep all his allowance money and also get to stay up however late he wants, we're not his real dad.

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The senators say they are doing this because fiscal conservatism:

“Taxpayers should not be on the hook for subsidizing former presidents’ lives to the tune of millions of dollars,” said Ernst. “Although this is a narrow item, this is an issue of restoring taxpayer trust by looking at reforms in the allowances and perks given to these former presidents who generate significant incomes after leaving office. At a time when we are more than $18 trillion in debt, it is critical that we stop talking and start cutting wasteful spending.”

Rubio said that while Americans ought to show gratitude to former presidents for their service, “[T]axpayers no longer need to foot the entire bill for all the endeavors presidents undertake after leaving office, which is why I support Joni Ernst's effort to reform the benefits afforded to former presidents."

“Last year, Presidents Clinton and Bush collected $2.2 million from taxpayers. I believe the majority of Americans would prefer to keep that money in the treasury,” said Kirk.

Yeah, we are sure Americans get insomnia thinking about this every night. We're going to guess the real reason they are doing this is twofold: A, it gives them a way to say "look, we are making meaningful cuts!" when they wouldn't DARE do anything like cut military spending or make rich people pay their fair share. Two, know who ELSE is going to be a living former president in 2016? Uh huh. THAT GUY. Ernst and her pals know the American people do NOT want to foot the bill for all Barack Obama's Beyoncé CDs, arugula orchards and probably drugs, yeah, that's the ticket, drugs. So they have to do this now, to set an example for the incoming freshman.

Dicks.

[Fiscal Times / H.R. 1777]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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