There was extremely stupid Republican election-stealing drama last night in Wayne County (Detroit), Michigan. William Hartmann and Monica Palmer, the two Republican members of the county elections board, decided they COULDN'T POSSIBLY certify Wayne County's results, because of Black people voting massive irregularities they imagined in their tiny little Republican brains. This left the four-person board deadlocked.

After the board took its initial 2-2 vote, the virtual meeting was opened up for public comment, and shitloads of people screamed at Palmer and Hartmann for as long as they wanted to, or more precisely for three solid hours:

A broad coalition — Detroit voters, clergy members, Middle Eastern immigrants, Black women, environmentalists, civil rights leaders and people who had worked at the polls and the absentee voting center — spoke out on the deadlock, repeatedly calling the Republican members racist and saying they were trying to disenfranchise Detroit voters.

DRAMA SPOILER ALERT: Hartmann and Palmer caved. Wayne County is certified. And it happened because all those people — 300 of them! — showed up on Zoom and berated Hartmann and Palmer as the racist garbage they are, for hours on end.

We want you to meet one member of that group, Ned Staebler, whom the New York Times identifies as "the chief executive of TechTown, a high-tech business incubator in Detroit and a poll challenger at T.C.F. Center in the city." In the video below, you will see Staebler reading Palmer and Hartmann, those two open sores, for the dirtiest filth we have ever seen in politics.

Bask in this video, as it will give you hope for America.

What was your favorite part? Was it when Staebler called Republicans idiots who were going to lose, because their arguments are "rubbish"? Was it when Staebler noted that Palmer and Hartmann were JUST FINE with certifying the results in Livonia, Michigan, which is 95 percent white, and had bigger problems with variances between how many people showed up to vote vs. how many votes were cast, but not in Detroit, which had fewer variances, but which is 80 percent Black?

What about when he said this?

STAEBLER: I just want to let you know that the Trump stink, the stain of racism that you, William Hartmann and Monica Palmer, have just covered yourself in, is going to follow you throughout history. Your grandchildren are going to think of you like Bull Connor or George Wallace. Monica Palmer and William Hartmann will forever be known in southeastern Michigan as two racists who did something so unprecedented, that they disenfranchised hundreds of thousands of Black voters in the city of Detroit, because they were ordered to. Probably, I know, Monica, you think Q told you to do it, or some other crazy stuff like that.

But just know when you try to sleep tonight, that millions of people around the world now on Twitter know the name Monica Palmer and William Hartmann as two people completely racist and without an understanding of what integrity means, or a shred of human decency. The law isn't on your side, history won't be on your side, your conscience won't be on your side, and Lord knows, when you go to meet your Maker, your soul is going to be very, very warm.

Our favorite parts were when he made fun of Monica Palmer for taking orders from Q, and also when he said she and Hartmann were going to literally burn in hell.

After a recess, and after all those people yelled at Palmer and Hartmann for three solid hours, the board announced that OK yeah, it guessed it would certify the election.


By the way, Ned Staebler does not want credit for what he did, and wishes to emphasize that all of them together did this, especially the people of color who showed up:

So yeah. That was the drama that happened last night.

Hartmann and Palmer, who indeed appears to be a wackjob QAnon monster idiot troll, decided they couldn't certify the Wayne County results, which left the board deadlocked. Palmer did indeed say she was fine with certifying the vote from white communities, just not Detroit.

And the champagne was uncorked, and Republicans started just cumming on everything, because they thought FINALLY they had succeeded in stealing the vote from Black people, which would pave the way to stealing re-election for their white supremacist Dear Leader:

"I am proud that, due to the efforts of the Michigan Republican Party, the Republican National Committee and the Trump Campaign, enough evidence of irregularities and potential voter fraud was uncovered resulting in the Wayne County Board of Canvassers refusing to certify their election results," [Michigan Republican Party chairwoman Laura] Cox said.

Trump's second stupidest lawyer Jenna Ellis took part in KKK Jizz Fest 2020:

Kayleigh McEnany got on Fox News and waved her "affidavits" — you know, the signed statements from Trump idiot poll workers that say things like "I saw a Black person at the polling place" and "Somebody called me a Karen" — because nobody had told her that Palmer and Hartmann had already caved:

And of course Trump, when he found out what the morons Palmer and Hartmann did, got the faintest hint of an imaginary stiffy in his pants and started tweeting.

Again, the morons in Michigan had already caved. You know, after Ned Staebler and all the others told these fascist skidmarks they are going to literally burn in hell when they die.

Michigan Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson was glad to point this out to poor Trump, whose brain does not work:

This morning, Trump started screaming that the only reason his beloved morons caved was that they were "threatened, screamed at and viciously harassed, and were FORCED to change their vote." He also planted a conspiracy theory about there being more VOTES in Wayne County than there are PEOPLE. So it was that a Trump tweet that starts out with the word "Wrong!" got immediately labeled as "Wrong!" by Twitter.

God, he is so pathetic.

GodDAMN, he is so pathetic.

In case we didn't say it loudly enough in our last post, here is why this is all happening, and yes, this is literally a copy/paste from our last post. In fact, we might end every post with this paragraph until Trump's lumpy ass is carted out of the White House:

This is happening Donald Trump is a little sniveling fuckmouth who can't handle the fact he lost the election, because he's a loser. Which is insane, because he's never been anything in his life but a loser. He took his daddy's inheritance (his daddy was a loser too, but not as big a loser as he is) and squandered it; he lost the vote of the American people in 2016 by millions, only "winning" because the FBI director and Russia helped steal it for him; he served as the most despised president in American history the entire time, never breaking a 50 percent approval rating in a real non-Rasmussen polling outlet; he accomplished nothing of value while president; he lost the 2020 election by even more millions, and also by a landslide in the Electoral College; and whenever God sees fit to remove him from this earth, his memory will be a joke, told by people for however long his memory lasts, which will probably not be that long, because history is written by the winners, not losers like Donald Trump.

Get the fuck out of the White House, loser.

[Daily Beast / New York Times]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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