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Meet The Not-Racist Young Lady Who Called For Assassination Of, Er, Let's Just Say 'Black' President

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"I didn't think it'd be that big of a deal," saidthis spritely lass when confronted with a news crew. Like, why are people all pissing and moaning, and why did she get fired from her job at Cold Stone Creamery, just because she said that someone should assassinate that "nigger" president? Like, what is even their damage, you know? Is she not simply expressing herself? And is that not what a special snowflake like herself must do? It's just Facebook and stuff, plus if he got assassinated it's not like she would be sad, but most importantly, SHE IS NOT A RACIST. "I'm not racist," Denise Helms told the news crew. She has a lot of friends of different nationalities! Like, probably some Irish, and some Italians, maybe some Poles, POSSIBLY an Asiatic (but probably not, and DEFINITELY not any Jews), and, well, probably like a dude named "Lopez" but who is from Spain instead of Mexico. See, not racist at all!


The "funnest" part of this terrific news report (no part of this terrific news report is fun) is the juxtaposition of the 22-year-old's Facebook picture, all glamour-shotted and tanned with the sexxxy, and her in-person presentation, where (and we are not making fun of her appearance, just noting the difference between Facebook and reality) she looks like a 44-year-old in Idaho with four kids hanging on her while she's trying to both put some Hot Pockets in a toaster oven and work her phone sex shift at the same time.

That trenchant bit of analysis concluded, let us all take a moment to remember who the real victim is here: Sarah Palin.

[Gawker]

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Ann Coulter is not impressed with Donald Trump's presumptuous plan to stop ripping babies away from their mothers and sending them to infant prison. For quite a while, Ann has been obsessively lamenting the very idea that American people even have children to "fill their lives with joy," but now (lol, "now") Ann has shifted her rage to immigrant people. Every time you watch her waving her alien-length arms around in a ritualistic frenzy over how shitty liberals are, just remember that we have already seen the emptiness of her soul laid bare. Remember that time she wanted to eat your baby because you got a tax credit?

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Screenshot- Right Wing watch via Fox News
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It's just another Wednesday in an America that snatched kids from their parents and locked them up in old Walmarts. Trump just signed an unneeded executive order ending his heinous child separation policy, but his "the bad guy mobster in a mobster movie" tactics might've had some permanent damage. What remains of the shriveled-up soul of the grand old poor-screwing Republican party has finally had enough.

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