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Megyn Kelly! MEGYN! Oh my God!

Megyn Kelly decided to use the occasion of Brett Kavanaugh being accused of drunkenly assaulting Dr. Christine Blasey Ford when he was 17 and Ford was 15 to remind us all to #NeverForget to ask WHY THE FUCK DID NBC DECIDE TO PAY MEGYN KELLY A MILLION BILLION GAZILLION DOLLARS TO HOST A SHOW NOBODY ASKED FOR THAT ADDS NOTHING OF VALUE TO THE WORLD?

Kelly was herself a victim of repeated sexual harassment when she was at Fox News, and she memorably found herself on the receiving end of the misogyny of Donald Trump, who accused her of having blood coming out of her "wherever" when she asked him on a debate stage about his constant habit of demeaning women. That led Trump's pigfucker supporters to harass her and death threat her and all the rest, which is strangely the same thing that's happening to Dr. Ford, now that she has come forward and told her story of getting drunkenly assaulted by a young, giant-foreheaded Brett Kavanaugh. It was so severe that Bill Shine, who was the president of Fox News at the time, but has recently taken a job in the White House working for President Pussgrab, had to call the Trump campaign people and say, "You know, if you guys end up getting Megyn Kelly killed, that's not going to be a good LEWK for you."

Well, Megyn Kelly has 'PINIONS about Dr. Ford's story, and they are ... the same as Donald Trump's opinions? Which are "bitches be lyin''? Megyn? MEGYN! WTF MEGYN?


Kelly's first wrong point:

She's a big Democratic donor.

Dr. Ford has made a $10 contribution here and a $35 contribution there to the DNC and Bernie Sanders and the like. Big fuckin' deal. Is Kelly saying Ford's not credible because she, like over a hundred million Americans, is a Democrat? Yes, in fact, she is! Kelly added that Dr. Ford's story is "dicier" than the stories from Roy Moore's accusers, because at least Roy Moore's accusers had the common decency to grow up to be Republicans, after being molested by Roy Moore as young girls.

Kelly added that Dr. Ford's lawyer Debra Katz is a big bad Democrat who said some bad things about Paula Jones back in the 1990s, which is really irrelevant to today's discussion, now isn't it? It is. (Hey, speaking of lawyers, though, guess who just lawyered up? Mm hmm.)

Next, Megyn Kelly explained that IF Dr. Ford is lying, she did a bad job of making up lies, because here is why:

If Christine Blasey Ford is making it up, she chose an interesting way of doing it. If you're going to make up an allegation about a guy just to scurry the nomination [...] If you're going to make up something just to hurt somebody, why do you put another person in the room? [...] I would say it was just me and him!

MAYBE BECAUSE SHE'S NOT LYING AND THERE WAS THIS OTHER WEIRD-ASS PERVY DUDE NAMED MARK JUDGE IN THE ROOM WHO WAS ALSO FUCKING DRUNK AND HAS WRITTEN A BOOK ABOUT HOW HE WAS A CONSTANT BLACKOUT DRUNK IN HIGH SCHOOL, MEGYN.

One of Kelly's panelists pointed out that Ford talked about this to her husband and in therapy, and that she's even taken a polygraph. Kelly took issue, again:

The polygraph, though, can I just say ...

Nope, "polygraphs be lyin'" is not a good argument. Go to hell, swiftly.

At this point, Kelly appeared to do a 180-degree turn, explaining that Ford's story is plausible, because it's just not that good of a story to be a lie. Like, why did she say he didn't rape her all the way? That would be a much better story arc if she was lying, Megyn Kelly says, not that Megyn Kelly is saying she's lying.

Buuuuuuuuuut, "if you were going to argue it on his side," not that she is, you might point out that maybe Dr. Ford only started lying about this in 2012 because of Kavanaugh's "ascent to the federal bench," because we all know that when judges get nominated to the federal bench, it is very common for ladies to privately tell their husbands and their marriage counselors that said judges sexually assaulted them when they were 15, you know, just in case Donald Trump ever gets elected president and decides to put those judges on the Supreme Court.

Maybe she had a negative experience with him. Maybe he blew her off!

Does this look like the face of a judge who blew girls off in high school and it made them very sad and angry and scarred for life?

But Megyn Kelly is JUST SAYING, because "this is what defenders would say, right?" She acknowledges that this is a "dramatic theory" she's laying out here, but she's just laying it out because maybe Dr. Ford is a big liar who's been playing the world's longest con on this guy. Also, Megyn Kelly really hates how Dr. Ford is about to be put through the wringer, but immediately clarifies that she doesn't really hate it very much.

In summary and in conclusion, Megyn Kelly is not saying Brett Kavanaugh should be confirmed, but ...

If he has a history of sexually attacking a woman, we need to know, and if they can't prove it to people's satisfaction then he should be confirmed.

Oh, she is saying that. Our bad. Because Dr. Ford is probably a liar and fuck her, right?

WHAT THE FUCK, MEGYN?

[h/t RawStory]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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