There isn't an amount of money you could pay me to try and enter Society; it is an overly manicured place where surprisingly average-looking people in fabulous clothes gossip about each other and dilettantes stride viciously through the scene trying to find an angel investor, which is in very bad taste at a party but then what can you expect from these social climbing sorts? (They think they can just buy a table and everyone will have them to dinner, poor things.) Society is a place where men think about the kind of knot they'll put in their ties to signal strength in the face of a brutal quarterly report.


Plus, woman eats actual diamonds, which is a hell of a superpower.

We know very little about Melania Trump, and most indications are that there's not much to know. People who know her say that she's mostly interested in fashion and working out which makes sense because that whole model thing, but this is also a woman who has managed to survive a decade of Met balls now, and on the arm of Donald J. Trump. So one assumes she's quite familiar with all the subtle ways to snub the man, having likely watched them played out on a loop over the years.

I mention all this because this woman is quickly becoming my favorite source for my favorite entertainment, The Dragging Of Donald Trump. All she has to do is walk with something like dignity, and people point out how boorish her idiot husband is.

But she takes it further than merely redefining the Walk of Shame! This isn't passive shade! Here she is at the White House Easter Egg Roll, publicly reminding the Commander in Chief about American traditions:

And here, gloriously, today, is what I call the Don't Fucking Touch Me Are You Kidding:

Now. This is mere days into an international tour, and I invite you to take a few minutes away from the news to ponder this glorious possibility with me: In another year she'll be full-on smacking him at random for our entertainment.

Buy us diamonds to eat and pay the lady:

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