Do police understand non-lethal technology, or are they flummoxed by machines that don't go PEW PEW? Every single day another officer of the law gets outed on social media for beating the crap out of some poor brown kid. And yet cops go right on posting incriminating shit all over Facebook. They'll come to your kid's school and lecture little Tyler and Tiffany about online safety. But once they peel out of the parking lot, it's SUN'S OUT GUNS OUT.

Hey there, Stevo! Oh, sorry to be familiar, Detective Steven Rosser. But we feel like we know you, what with your now-deleted Facebook posts appearing in our Twitter feed. Didn't you just tell little Chloe and Jacob that stuff you post online is FOREVER?

It's nice to know that you're so politically engaged. But it does make us wonder if it was just a coincidence that you and three fellow officers happened to be working undercover in the Sirens strip club on Wednesday night when Trump-accuser Stormy Daniels was doing her act and got arrested. Because there's what you said yesterday.

And there's what you said in February about poor President Trump, beset by a "hostile Congress and the media attacking him 24/7." (Was that before or after you told little Jayden, Braeden and Caden not to send naked selfies to their friends?)

And there's what Daniels's lawyer Avenatti said ...

Right before the Columbus Police Department magically dropped the case.


Look, the point of all these pretty pictures is that the power is in your hands, Wonkers. Literally. Are you reading this on your phone? Then you have the power to make the world a better place. Especially if you're a person protected by your skin, or your bank account, or your zip code.

Because we can't all have Michael Avenatti shining a spotlight on our police problems.

But we can all use social media to look out for each other. So if you see something, film something. Take a screenshot and mail it to yourself. Maybe next week you'll find that someone in your community needs help.

Social media's a sewer, but none of us seems to be able to quit swimming in it. Might as well use it to fight racists and Trump supporters. But we repeat ourselves!

Jack and Mark are gonna steal all your data anyway, right?

Happy clicking! And don't be an asshole.

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Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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The producers of your favorite live-action Jack Chick pamphlet, "God's Not Dead" -- you know, the one where the Hercules dude plays an evil philosophy professor who tells all of his students on the first day that they are no longer allowed to believe in god? As all secular professors do? -- have come out with a thrilling new movie, all about how abortion is bad or whatever.

The movie tells the "true" story of Abby Johnson, a former Planned Parenthood clinic worker turned professional anti-choicer. Johnson has been a darling of the forced birth circuit ever since she made up ridiculous and provably false reasons for quitting the Planned Parenthood that was about to fire her for being bad at her job.

Basically, she claims that Planned Parenthood was pushing her to make more abortions happen so they could reel in more dough, and also that she witnessed (for the first time ever!) an ultrasound-guided abortion and saw the baby move from the light and then immediately realized that what she was doing was wrong.

The thing is, however -- no ultrasound-guided abortions were performed on the day she said it happened, and the only reason there was an uptick in abortions at her clinic was because they started offering the abortion pill on a daily basis (and had previously only been performing surgical abortions every other Saturday).

As you may have guessed, the movie does not address any of these things. It also looks very, very bad.

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Ever since Ruth Bader Ginsburg successfully underwent surgery for lung cancer, conservative sites and message boards have been trafficking in a ridiculous theory that she is actually dead and that there is some kind of Weekend at Bernie's-esque conspiracy to pretend she is still alive.

Now, one would think that her recent public appearance at a concert held in her honor would have put this to rest. Alas, it did not. Rather, the "researchers" (as they hilariously call themselves) determined that the concert was actually her funeral.

No. Really. That was a thing.

I admit that I gave this a lot more thought than I should have. Like, how did they think this would go? How long did they imagine this would go on for? Why would they risk having a full on funeral concert, open to the press? Wouldn't they just have not bothered to have a funeral at all? And what did these people think was going to happen when it was announced that she died for real? Or did they think that we were going to pretend that she is immortal and thus never announce her death? It's so confusing!

Being very up to date on the "RBG is secretly dead!" nonsense, I was very curious about which way the "anons" would go with this when they announced her return to work on Friday. They did not disappoint!

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