We didn't write Michael Bloomberg any kind of send-off when he pulled out of the race after his impressive American Samoan showing on Super Tuesday. Fuck that.

And we do not come right now to litigate all his badness, except to thank Elizabeth Warren for disposing of his ass in the presidential race.

We do credit him with taking approximately nine hours after his brilliant Super Tuesday to realize that he was not adding anything to the Democratic primary, and backing out.

And we also must credit him for saying early and often that he was going to keep his billions in the race until November no matter what, and that he would keep his full operation up and running to support the Democratic nominee, no matter who it is. Despite the faults of our American campaign finance situation, it's the one we currently have, and a refusal to accept outside help because "principles" isn't going to get you into heaven, darling. Not with the one-billion-dollar disinformation campaign that will support the Trump campaign in this year's election, plus however much money all the other Republican PACs are going to spend, plus whatever Russia contributes.

In that vein, Bloomberg has just announced where a bunch of that money is going. Spoiler alert, he's putting his billions in the right places, i.e. the most important swing states the eventual nominee must win in order to secure an Electoral College win against President Shitmouth.


Bloomberg's creating a whole new group, and on top of it being the instrument through which all his ads come out, it will also be dispatched to the six states Bloomberg, who knows his data, has identified as the ones the election is most likely to hinge on: Wisconsin, Michigan, Pennsylvania, Arizona, Florida, and North Carolina. The Washington Post reports that Bloomberg employees in those states are under contract until November, so he's serious about this.

As for the current frontrunner and the guy just behind him in the race, Bloomberg endorsee Joe Biden is cool with this. Bernie Sanders aide Jeff Weaver said, "It's a hard no," but then Bernie himself went on Rachel Maddow last night and kiiiiinda seemed to walk that back, without actually walking it back. He was very like "Oh well, I do not like the millionaires and billionaires, but I cannot possibly stop Michael Bloomberg if he wants to spend money on ads, I am not his real dad, PSHAW ON THAT." (That is not an exact quote.)

The Post notes that Bloomberg will also still be throwing his billions into Hawkfish, a data group he started for the benefit of Democratic campaigns. (Bloomberg's money helped a lot in the 2018 midterms. A LOT AND A LOT.)

Like we said, it's not lovely that our elections are so awash with stupid money, and that needs to change. The way to change that is to, you know, fuckin' get elected, and then change it. (Something something "Go to war with the army you have, not one you wish you had" something something.)

But for now, Bloomberg putting his money where his mouth is is an unqualified Good Thing. After all, who are we to say what Michael Bloomberg is allowed to spend his billions of American moneys on, we are not his real dad, PSHAW ON THAT.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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