Michael Cohen's Lawyer David Schwartz Actually Worse At This Than Michael Cohen

VEY IZ MIR! Donald Trump and his lawyers are breaking legal Twitter again. Saturday night, Michael Cohen joined the president for dinner at Mar-a-Lago, and by sheer coincidence Cohen's own lawyer David Schwartz unveiled a new theory of the case on CNN last night.

The president was not aware of the agreement. At least Michael Cohen never told him about the agreement, I can tell you that. [...] He wasn't told about it. Michael Cohen left the option open, that's why he left that signature line, the option open to go to him. He chose not to. He chose to bind the LLC, EC, LLC, and Stormy Daniels into the contract.

Live shot of every lawyer in America last night.

OKAY, THEN. Let's break it down here.

  1. A lawyer has a duty to keep his client informed of all developments in his case, so Cohen may have violated ethics laws and faces possible professional sanction in New York.
  2. Cohen signed away Trump's right to sue Stormy Daniels for disclosures she made prior to the NDA, which he couldn't do without explicit authorization from Trump himself. So the contract is probably invalid -- she traded her silence for $130,000 and indemnification, which she didn't get because Cohen couldn't give it to her.
  3. And because this guy couldn't draft a grocery list ALLEGEDLY, Cohen ensured that only Donald Trump could enforce the contract. Except Donald Trump isn't even a party to the contract, since he neither signed nor authorized it according to David Schwartz, and thus no one has the power enforce it.

Care to weigh in, Michael Avenatti?


But wait, there's more! Because if there's something missing here, it's mansplaining.

Donald Trump in this agreement, he's a third party beneficiary. I know, you're smiling at me, but these are legal concepts. [...] He didn't have an obligation, and if you understand, and you do somewhat, you understand the structure of the Trump Org and Michael Cohen's role in there. It was much more than attorney and client.

Stop talking, Boychik! For the love of God!

Yeah, us too, girl!

SCHWARTZ: Because he's that close to him, he had great latitude to handle these matters.

BURNETT: So they happened with such frequency that you wouldn't need to tell him about a $130,000 payment?

SCHWARTZ: No, no. Matters in general. Michael was the fixer. We all know Michael was the fixer.

Aaaaaand, he's still out there disgracing the legal profession this morning.

See, it's crazy to suggest that Michael Cohen would send someone to threaten Stormy Daniels, because he's a thug who threatens people directly.

I did ask him, okay. He never ordered a threat. He doesn't do that... Because he does it to someone’s face.

Well, we really didn't think there was a lawyer stupider than Michael Cohen. Turns out we were wrong!

From YiddishWit.com

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Please click here to buy us an icepack -- lotta head-desk happening here!

Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc