Don't Know How To Say This, But It Appears Trump May Have Committed A Crime

Back in December, Wonkette had a post called "What Did Trump Know, And When Did He Grab It By The Pussy"? This is, of course, one of the central questions special counsel Robert Mueller is looking at in his various obstruction of justice cases against Donald Trump, and when he issues his final report, we assume it will include a full section called "He Grabbed It By The Pussy On Tuesday, Because He Learned About It On Monday." (This is how FBI reports are normally written.)

The central questions in that post were about when exactly Trump found out his first national security advisor, Michael Flynn, was a literal actual foreign agent under investigation by the FBI, and what he did with that information. In a related matter, what did Trump know on that fateful Valentine's Day in 2017 when he shut the door of the Oval, slipped into something a little more comfortable, and asked then-FBI director James Comey to "go easy" on Flynn, and to "see your way clear to letting this go." Did Trump know for sure that Flynn, whom he fired the day before on February 13, was under federal investigation for being a liarfuckingliar to the FBI? Or was he just asking Comey to "go easy" on Flynn in general, like perhaps if Comey found himself and Flynn in a hardcore game of Strip Jenga?

That Wonkette post was based on a Foreign Policy report from reporter Murray Waas that shared evidence that White House Counsel Don McGahn sure seemed to know Flynn was a big stinky criminal during Flynn's short tenure as national security advisor. According to documents Waas reported were in Mueller's possession, McGahn had spent those days on his Google machine asking Siri what a big stinky criminal Flynn was, specifically researching stuff about lying to the FBI and violations of the Logan Act, which prohibits unauthorized US persons from negotiating with foreign governments -- like, for instance, people who aren't yet national security advisor having back-channel hot tub time with the Russian ambassador about getting rid of Russian sanctions! Sally Yates warned the White House that the Russians knew Flynn had been lyin' to fuckin' ERRBODY about this on January 26. On January 27, Trump invited James Comey over for a little hot tub time of their own and tried to extract a loyalty oath from him. (Sally Yates had come to the White House to yell at Don McGahn some more earlier that day too.)

Murray Waas is back with another report, this time in the New York Review of Books, and if his reporting is correct, it sounds like Trump COMMITTED COUPLE FEW CRIMES A LI'L BIT! Indeed, according to documents Waas says he has now been granted permission to read in full, in addition to interviews with certain key players, Donald Trump knew chapter and verse what the fuck was up with Flynn, which goes a long way to proving Trump's intent to obstruct justice.

For one thing, according to a timeline reportedly written by Don McGahn, then-Chief of Staff Reince Priebus and McGahn told Trump that Flynn was under investigation on January 26, 2017, after Sally Yates came in and pulled the fire alarm. Indeed, the records Waas reviewed indicate that McGahn specifically told Trump that Yates told him Flynn had told very similar lies about discussing sanctions with the Russian ambassador to both the FBI and Mike Pence. In other words, if this reporting is right, HE KNEW. HE KNEW HE KNEW HE KNEW HE KNEW #HEFUCKINGKNEW. (And didn't we just tell you yesterday and also one thousand other times that this Russian shit is all about sanctions?? Because it is.)

Let's do that timeline again: Trump asked Comey for a loyalty oath on January 27th; he fired Flynn on February 13; and he moved on Comey like a bitch but couldn't get there on Valentine's Day, when he asked Comey to "go easy" on Flynn. All of these dates are notably after Trump was told the truth about Flynn, according to Waas, who reports that Priebus and McGahn have testified to these facts to Mueller.

Remember how Trump's Very Good Lawyers wrote a letter to Robert Mueller in January of this year, outlining their defense on all Trump's obstruction? In it, they explained that Flynn had assured Priebus and McGahn that the FBI only stopped by to tell him how innocent he was, because that's totally how the FBI does things LOLOLOLOL go fuck yourself, liar. (This would have been February 8, according to McGahn's timeline.) According to that letter, therefore, only A IDIOT could think Trump was obstructing justice when he asked Comey on February 14 to "go easy" on Flynn.


And it's totally normal to accept a version of reality where the president asks the FBI director to "go easy" on the national security advisor he fired the day before because NO REASON! It's not like he thought Flynn was under investigation or anything!

Except for how LIE. LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE! Or at the very least, Trump's lawyers were cherry-picking the FUCK out of the available evidence about what Trump knew and when he grabbed it by the pussy. By which we mean LIE.

The point of this post is that if Murray Waas's reporting is correct, then LIE. Also Trump needs to go to jail, for this and probably a thousand other crimes. Put him in solitary because ain't nobody wanna see that orange shitface in the morning before he's had a chance to put on his make-up.

Did we mention LIE? Because LIE.

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[New York Review of Books]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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