Michele Bachmann Says Carly Fiorina Loves Muslims Too Much To Be President

What is she up to now?

Here is a thing that happened:

We would never assume that former member of Congressandone-time presidential wannabe Michele Bachmann would automatically support Carly Fiorina for president, just because of how she is a batshit crazy conservative rightwing Republican lady, just like Bachmann. As far as we can tell, she shares all of Bachmann's exact same values, so you'd think Bachmann would be like, "Woot, Carly4Prez!" But that would makes us the REAL SEXISTS, maybe?

Still, we are a tad surprised that Bachmann is shoving herself into the middle of this election -- when she's not having rapture-gasms in her panties because The End Is Nigh, THANKS OBAMA.

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But if there's one thing we all know Bachmann hates at least as much as gaysexuals and abortions, it's the secret Muslims, all up in our U.S. government. So if Fiorina once gave a speech hetero-loving them, well, that clearly disqualifies her for the White House. So, let us gaze upon this damning evidence from a webplace called Christian Headlines:

Two weeks after 9/11, on September 26, 2001, Carly Fiorina gave a speech, "Technology, Business and Our Way of Life: What's Next," in which she tied courage, leadership, heroes, and “the questions of life and death” to business leaders learning from one of the greatest civilizations to ever exist: Islamic civilization. Her claims evidence her exceptional ineptitude or blatant, galling, willful deceit.

Consider her claims about Islam and America. She says, America is “indebted” to the Islamic civilization, whose “gifts are very much a part of our heritage.”

Example?

The Ottoman Empire “was driven more than anything, by invention. Its mathematicians created the algebra and algorithms that would enable the building of computers, and the creation of encryption.”

And: America’s technology industry “would not exist without the contributions of Arab mathematicians.”

But Christian headlines fact-checks that nonsense and says nuh-uh, all the world's greatest discoveries and inventions came from Not Muslims:

The Spartans, Leon Battista Alberti, and Thomas Jefferson were the inventors of encryption; and they weren’t Islamists.

Charles Babbage, an English mathematician, philosopher, mechanical engineer, and scientist originated the concept of a programmable computer in 1822, which he built upon in 1837. He also designed a printer.

Centuries earlier, in 1597, Galileo invented and established a factory that constructed instruments to perform trigonometric calculations, multiplication and division, square and cube root, comparison of areas and volumes, currency exchange rates, monetary interest, and various military problems.

Neither Babbage nor Galileo were Islamists.

Duh, Carly, you idiot, how could you tell such lies about how some Muslims are kind of OK maybe -- and right after 9/11?!?! Because the Real Truth is that Islamic countries suck the most, ACTUALLY:

Today, the 57 Islamic countries contribute the least to scientific and technological advancement, let alone have computers or use the Internet.

Well, we are certainly convinced. Giving credit to the Islamic civilization for making a few contributions, here and there, like math stuff and science things -- Fiorina might as well have pissed all over the American flag and shouted "Allahu Akbar, death to American infidels!"

We don't quite understand why Bachmann is trolling Fiorina. Maybe she's jealous becauseshewanted to be the first Republican princess of America. Or maybe she is a cuckservative and once she heard Donald Trump wants to put a lady on his presidential ticket -- he cherishes women, you know, and thinks they're TERRIFIC! -- she figured she might as well give him a Twitter handjob to put herself in the running.

Or, who knows? Maybe Michele Bachmann is just batshit crazy as always.

[ Christian Headlines ]