Have you been missing former Rep. Michele Bachmann since she retired to be president of the United States of Cheap Gas?

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Us too! And it seems she might be regretting her retirement, because hoo boy, those morons in the House are absolutely lost without her. In an EXCLUSIVE! interview with WND, Bachmann predicted that the 2016 presidential election has already been lost, thanks to those know-nothing turncoat Republicans who sold out their party and America. No, no, she's not talking about the traitorous love letter to Iran. Don't be silly!

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She's talking about the deal to keep the Department of Homeland Security funded through the end of the fiscal year:

“Practically, that bill ensures a Democrat likely will be elected president in 2016 with the Congress willing to double cross the taxpayers by paying for five million illegal work permits, driver’s licenses, Social Security numbers, Medicare, Medicaid and ultimately fraudulently directed efforts to get illegal aliens to the 2016 voting booth.”

She said GOP leaders “betrayed our trust with a real bait-and-switch because no one was running in favor of amnesty in November, and then we get this.”

Yeah, good going, Republicans, you've just gift-wrapped the White House for the Democrats, now that all the undocumented immigrants who are already in America will ... um ... be here some more!

Maybe Bachmann hasn't been paying close attention since she left DC, because Republican leadership did try to follow her advice. They tried over and over and over again. They just couldn't get enough votes to pass their bill with the "AND NO ILLEGALS, TAKE THAT OBAMA!" part in it. Naturally, if Bachmann were still in office, she'd have joined the nihilist gang of representatives who preferred to shut down DHS and undermine our national security, because that is how much she, like any true Republican, cares about our national security. Then maybe she could have saved America -- again! But nooooo, she wasn't there to stop Republican leadership from screwing us all, and now, despite earlier predictions by Bachmann herself that God will unskew the polls in 2016 to ensure a Republican victory, it's probably already too late, THANKS REPUBLICANS!

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Bachmann said the GOP leadership “knew the outcome of the vote would be to pay for Obama’s illegal, unconstitutional work permits for non-deported illegal aliens.”

“They also knew this would mean Social Security numbers, driver’s licenses, Medicare, Medicaid, food stamps, Obama phones, Social Security disability benefits would also become accessible.”

Yes, that's exactly what it means -- lordy, is One-L smart or what? -- except for how the president's executive action really just gives some, but not all, immigrants the option of applying for temporary permission to not be immediately deported. Basically the same thing, though!

In conclusion, what had been a certain victory for Republicans in 2016 is now the opposite of that, because Republicans are helping the president hand out Obamaphones and food stamps to all the Messicans, and the plane has crashed into the goddamned mountain, and it's a shame Bachmann is not still there to instruct House Republicans on how to not sell out America, because obviously, they still really need her.

[WND via RightWingWatch]