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Michele Bachmann Terrorized By... What, Today... 15th Century Art

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The "Michele Bachmann is insane" news storiesevery day now are getting to the point where we are all just doing a sort of Michele Bachmann Mad Libs each time, something along the lines of, "Michele Bachmann is terrified of _(noun)_ because Jesus once told her in a dream that _(U.S. federal agency name)_ sodomized someone from _(book of the Bible)_ and started makingĀ  _(genocidal dictator name)_ insist in writing that her husband ask to be called _(gay male stripper name)_ every time they hold hands." Today's Michele Mad Libs winner is the LA Times with their article "Michele Bachmann lives in fear of Renaissance Fairs" for pointing out that Leonardo Da Vinci's 15th-century art is on her list of terror suspects charged with ruining America. Time to Guantanamo that Leonardo bitch!


The LA Times is mostly expanding off the recent New Yorker profile of Bachmann, which is fascinating reading if you were somehow previously unaware the she is utterly insane.

So what makes this particular fictional menace full of horror and abortion if you are Michele Bachmann?

Bachmann "belongs to a generation of Christian conservatives whose views have been shaped by institutions, tracts, and leaders not commonly known to secular Americans, or even to most Christians," writes Ryan Lizza, who spent four days on the campaign trail talking with the candidate and her husband. He chronicles Bachmann's enthusiasm for the extreme evangelical teachings of the late Presbyterian Pastor Francis Schaeffer, commonly regarded as having sparked the 1970s rise of the Christian Right. Schaeffer loved visiting Florence, Italy, where his idea of Renaissance ruin is on full display.

Bachmann also adores Schaeffer follower Nancy Pearcey, a prominent creationist whose recent book is "Saving Leonardo: A Call to Resist the Secular Assault on Mind, Morals, and Meaning." That's Leonardo as in "da Vinci," whose famous drawing of "Vitruvian Man" shows a human being inscribed within a perfect circle and a perfect square. The artist made the ungodly error of putting humanity at the center of time and space.

Awesome, thanks. Next time America falls off the map, please look for us all in the padded room in the basement giving speeches to shelves of Halloween ornament bins as we continue deconstructing Michele Bachmann's selfish, paradoxical and paranoid existence. [LA Times]

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Roger Stone, you got some 'splainin' to do, Mister! Remember all those times Stone swore on his Nixon tattoo that he never had any contact with Russians, wasn't a campaign surrogate, and wasn't tipped off to stolen DNC emails in advance? Like that time he told the Washington Post:

"I've never been to Russia. I didn't talk to anybody who was identifiably Russian during the two-year run-up to this campaign," he said. "I very definitely can't think of anybody who might have been a Russian without my knowledge. It's a canard."

Stone told the House Intelligence Committee the same thing last September, but, LOL FUNNY STORY! Seems that Stone just plum forgot about that time in May, 2016 when Trump communications advisor Michael Caputo asked him to meet with Henry Greenberg, "a man with a Make America Great Again hat and a viscous Russian accent." The Washington Post reports, Greenberg was offering sexxxxy Russian dirts on Hillary Clinton, which Stone and Caputo were only too happy to grab by the pussy. But they just couldn't get there!

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Congressman Beto O'Rourke, who hopes to replace Ted Cruz in the US Senate this fall, is one of several Texas and El Paso leaders participating in a march to the just-opened tent city at the US/Mexico border in Tornillo, Texas, where children have already been imprisoned "placed."

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