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Michele Fiore: The Coloreds Go To College Now So Stop Playing The Race Card

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Sweet Yahweh of comedy, allow us to thank you for the gift of Michele Fiore, Nevada Assemblywoman and advocate for the most worthless cure for cancer short of prayer. Fiore has already graced us with her views on the federal government and arming co-eds. (For a fun party game, guess which one she opposes and which one she favors.) This week she waded into the debate over voter ID laws, because even the looniest state legislators still get to participate in the legislative process. Hooray for democracy!

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Fiore was apparently upset that witnesses kept noting the inconvenient and incontrovertible truth that voter ID laws disproportionately strip the franchise from minorities. To show how ridiculous she finds such a line of argument, she demanded the Nevada director of the NAACP National Voter Fund answer the question, “At what point do we stop using the race card?” She also (starting around 4:08 in the above video) referred to one of her black colleagues as “the first colored man to graduate from his college” and showed her knowledge of current events by reminding everyone, “We’re in 2015 and we have a black president, in case anyone didn’t notice.”

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Yeah, how about that boy Obama getting hisself elected president. Ain’t that the damndest thing you ever done saw?

Fiore also offered to take any constituents who don't have an ID to go get one, which is nice of her and totally beside the point. We hope people take her up on it, if only because the thought of Michele Fiore spending all her waking hours driving all around Las Vegas in hundred-degree heat to drive black people to get whatever ID she considers appropriate sends us into a giggling fit. For someone who just last year was on national television decrying the evils of an omnipresent big government at Cliven Bundy's ranch, she sure is determined to make sure the government has every single adult over the age of twenty-one in a database, isn't she?

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Listen Nevada, we know most of your state is basically just rusting trailers parked on the edge of some bombing range or other, but you guys obviously know it is now 2015, at least. And in this awesome modern world full of wonders like airplanes and indoor plumbing, we do not condescend to African-Americans for graduating college or attaining any other level of education. We do not whitesplain that racism is over because the country elected a black president. (Yes we’re looking at you, wingnut media.) And we have long ago stopped using terms like “colored” and “Negro.” You’d think Fiore would be especially cognizant of that last one, considering the fate that befell both Sagebrush Guy Fawkes and one of her Republican colleagues in the Nevada House of Representatives.

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Still, thank you for being Wonkette’s current favorite One-L-Michele, Assemblywoman Fiore. We look forward to hearing more of your enlightened racial views in the future.

[Las Vegas Review-Journal]

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We feel like we say this a lot during these dark days of the Trump era, but WHAT IN THE HOLY MOTHERFUCKING FUCK DID WE JUST WATCH? And how in the hell can anyone who claims to give a shit about this country be OK with the public tongue-bath Donald Trump just gave Vladimir Putin on live TV?

The reviews are starting to roll in:

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Elon Musk, Space Trash Cowboy

Silicon Valley's most arrogant asswipe is not a baby, he just pays people to wipe his ass.

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STOP THE FUCKING PRESSES! Elon Musk has been wronged! Newspapers, throw away your front pages! TV talking heads, scrap your A and B bloc! Someone change the tickers in Times Square!

BREAKING NEWS: MAN CALLS ELON MUSK AN ASSHOLE!

When Vern Unsworth, the British cave explorer who helped rescue the trapped Thai soccer team, told CNN that Musk's mini-sub was a "PR Stunt" that had "absolutely no chance of working," he clearly wounded Musk's delicate constitution. But then Unsworth had to go a step further and tell Musk to "stick his submarine where it hurts."

Musk responded like a fucking adult by Tweeting that he never saw Unsworth when he flew to Thailand to personally deliver his mini-sub last week, adding, "Sorry Pedo guy, you really did ask for it."

"Pedo" -- short for "pedophile" -- seems a bit harsh and also a tiny bit libelous. This caused the Twitterverse to lose their minds and criticize Musk for being an asshole (again). Since Elon Musk is a gazillionaire with tons of free tweetin' time on his hands, he responded to his critics by doubling-down, "Bet ya a signed dollar it's true."

Musk later deleted the tweets and retreated to the relative safety of his secret moon base. Unsworth is now threatening to sue Musk, telling a Australian news outlet, "This is not finished. I think people realize what sort of guy he is."

The whole ordeal started started when Musk posted an unnecessarily dramatic video of a small submarine built out of a fuel pod used in one of the Space X rockets. The idea of stuffing a child in a tiny metal tube sounded amazing to fanboys, but a number of people immediately wondered if the hastily assembled claustrophobia simulator was ambi-turner.

Maybe Musk is just butthurt over all that money he was caught donating to Republican pacs? Maybe he's just venting after the NLRB said Musk violated labor laws when he discouraged Tesla workers from unionizing? Maybe we should change those front pages once again!

BREAKING NEWS: ELON MUSK STILL A BIG ASSHOLE.

[WSJ / NBC News / BBC / Business Insider]

Wonkette is ad-free and reader supported, and thinks Elon Musk should STFU.

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