Michelle Obama Confusing Everyone With Colorful Health Things

Michelle Obama is trying very hard to help Americans slim down so they can stop buying clothes with sizes in the triple digits. She is probably so frustrated right now, because she has tried so many things. She has tried to get kids to exercise by teaching them hot dance moves . She has infiltrated day cares with her anti-obesity propaganda. She even tossed the old “food pyramid” in the garbage . Unfortunately, Americans are so accustomed to killing themselves with food that even those wishing to follow our FLOTUS’ lead have no idea how to do so.

A few weeks ago, our FLOTUS decided that a food-shaped pyramid was one of the reasons why people in this country are unbelievably fat. So now, we have “MyPlate.”

While it’s easy to see why the USDA and the first lady wanted to streamline the process of choosing your food as much as possible for Americans with busy lives, MyPlate may be too simplified. Based purely on the visual of the plate, it would seem that, as long as you fulfill the proper portions requirement, anything you choose is fair game: there’s no differentiation as to what’s best within in each food group.

For example, while MyPlate recommends about a fourth of your plate consist of protein, not all proteins are created equally and some are healthier than others.

Of course, “Americans with busy lives” is code for “Americans who can’t pause to consider their food choices because there's a marathon on TLC and the TV trays are not ready.” Apparently, it is also code for “People who can’t distinguish between healthy foods and foods that cause heart attacks.” So how exactly can Michelle save us from destroying our bodies?

While the goals of MyPlate are well-intentioned and admirable, it glosses over crucial information about dietary health. The easiest way to communicate what foods are healthy may not be in a colorful graph or chart, but in old-fashioned education. In a 2008 study published in the Journal of School Health, middle school students instructed in a comprehensive healthy lifestyle education program showed improvement in their eating behaviors and perhaps most promisingly, the kids felt more confident in their ability to eat healthily.

Ah, “old-fashioned education!” Yes, this is what everyone needs. Unfortunately, we are as good as educating ourselves as we are at keeping ourselves healthy, so our FLOTUS might have to get creative. [ The Daily Texan ]

 Blair Burke (blairelinor@gmail.com) obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move for "The FLOTUS Files," which appears every Monday here at your Wonkette.