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OH HEY, Wonkers, it is Friday, which means we usually like to throatcram you with NICE TIME, so here's one! Your first lady, Michelle Hussein Obama, is at it again, trying to force US Americans to maybe move their fannies once in a while, at least toward a salad bar, so they can eat a meal with "nutrients" for once in their lives, instead of their usual 4000-calorie fat-stravaganzas. So she went to the Jimmy Kimmel program, because he is funny and also maybe because he sure has lost a lot of weight lately, and maybe he did it by eating some effin' vegetables! Yes, this funny sketch is all about how Michelle Obama's new fascist campaign, the #TeamFNV initiative, is about getting people to eat Fruits 'n' Vegetables, but Jimmy Kimmel's pretty sure she's saying "effin' V," which stands for "effin' vegetables."

Or maybe it's a new way to say "Fuckin' A," but the "V" stands for "vagina." Effin' V, man! Or maybe "effin" is a verb, and this is an action statement, like "Oh, golly, it is the weekend, and what a weekend it will be, because I'm going to spend it effin' some V's, like I always do!" Just kidding, this post is not about Josh Duggar's Ashley Madison account. (This one is, and this one too.)


Anyway, Michelle Obama says no, stop saying cusses, Jimmy Kimmel, this is about nutrition.

Stop fooling around, JIMMY!

And fun science fact! Even though wingnuts view Michelle Obama's efforts to prevent people from having heart attacks at age 9 as the acts of the malicious black queen wife of a cruel dictator, it turns out Americans actually support the idea of people eating real, healthy food. A new poll shows that over 80 percent of Americans think it would be just great for kids to have F(ruits) and V(egetables) with their school lunches, instead of just eating fried pig lard sandwiches with powdered sugar on top. Weird!

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So eat your P-in-V or whatever it is this weekend. Michelle Obama demands it!

[Mediaite / Think Progress]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Even Dinsdale was frightened of Doug ... He used sarcasm. He knew all the tricks: dramatic irony, metaphor, bathos, puns, parody, litotes and satire.

Yr Wonkette is no stranger to the double-edged weapon of sarcasm, we'll admit. OR WILL WE? It's part of our postmodern toolkit, with which we seek to undermine patriotism, faith, the free market, the family, and ultimately America itself. Duh. But we would never be so naive as to think we have a monopoly on irony and sarcasm, oh no, far from it. This week, we dip into the sludge of deletia for some brilliant examples of cutting rightwing wit turned back on us, with devastating results. Hope you're not all TRIGGERED so much you have to go find a SAFE SPACE, libs!

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