Michigan Supreme Court Says Suck It, Fascists, Everybody Gets To Vote On Abortion
We Win Season 4 GIF by Friends

Happy story for your Friday morning!

Last week we explained how up there in Michigan, activists had collected a record number of legitimate signatures — 753,759! — to put a vote on the ballot in November to enshrine abortion rights in the state constitution. Michiganders are really into doing that, turns out! Such a thing is necessary because Michigan has a 1931 undead zombie abortion ban on the books that wasn't enforceable until Samuel Alito pulled his robe up, spun around three times and took a dump on everybody's bodily autonomy.

THIS! Michiganders Want To Vote On Abortion, But GOP Fascists Will Nip That Democracy In The Bud!

OK fine, it wasn't Samuel Alito's dump that did that. It was the fact that Brett Kavanaugh and Clarence Thomas and Amy Coney Barrett and Neil Gorsuch all clapped their hands and agreed Alito had done a very good dump.

We will never tire of coming up with ever more disrespectful ways to refer to Samuel Alito's crowning achievement, that is a promise we make to you today.

Anyway, the Michigan Board of State Canvassers said fuck you to the 753,759 Michiganders, and they were very sorry but this initiative would not be going on the ballot. It was a "spacing" problem, they said. The initiative's proposed text was hard to read, they said, because some of the letters were smushed together. (They were making up shit.) The board consists of two Democrats and two Republicans. Unfortunately, there must be a majority vote of the board to approve an initiative.

So Reproductive Freedom For All, the group that organized the initiative, took it to the state supreme court, which is still controlled by a slim majority of non-fascists, and the state supreme court just said hey, Michigan, look under your seats because YOU get to vote on abortion and YOU get to vote on abortion and you know the rest.

Read the very nice chief justice of the Michigan supreme court telling these trolls to eat 753,759 bags of dicks, one for each signature of a Michigander whose voice they want to silence:

In her majority opinion, Michigan Supreme Court Chief Justice Bridget M. McCormack called the actions of the opposing members on the elections board “a sad marker of the times.”

“They would disenfranchise millions of Michiganders not because they believe the many thousands of Michiganders who signed the proposal were confused by it, but because they think they have identified a technicality that allows them to do so, a game of gotcha gone very bad,” she wrote.

In other words, ya ain't clever.

Look at this shit a real court had to write in a real opinion:

It is undisputed that there are sufficient signatures to warrant certification. The only challenge to the petition is in regard to whether there is sufficient space between certain words of the text of the proposed amendment. MCL 168.482(3) requires only that “[t]he full text of the amendment so proposed must follow the summary and be printed in 8-point type.” The “full text” of the amendment is present: regardless of the existence or extent of the spacing, all of the words remain and they remain in the same order, and it is not disputed that they are printed in 8-point type. In this case, the meaning of the words has not changed by the alleged insufficient spacing between them. Assuming that the challengers’ objection to the spacing represents a challenge to the “form” of the petition that the Board properly considered, the petition has fulfilled all statutory form requirements, and the Board thus has a clear legal duty to certify the petition.

We think that is law talk for "get out of my fucking courtroom."

Chief Justice McCormack additionally noted that the anti-abortionistas "have not produced a single signer who claims to have been confused by the limited-spacing sections in the full text portion of the proposal." Which does seem like it would be helpful if your argument is AIYYYEEEEEEE NOBODY CAN EVEN READ THESE WORDS!

The spox for Reproductive Freedom for All, Darci McConnell, says now they can just focus on turning out the vote in November, which we have high hopes will go well, considering how Democratic Governor Gretchen Whitmer is kicking GOP nominee Tudor Dixon's ass in the polls and even the Republican strategist quoted in the Washington Post is talking about "pro-choice, lean conservative voters" who, it seems, he's just praying will vote for Tudor Dixon even if they vote for abortion happiness for everyone.

“Assuming we still have a red wave, the obvious, very large speed bump are pro-choice, lean-conservative voters,” said Jason Roe, a GOP political strategist and former executive director of the Michigan Republican Party. “If the initiative is on the ballot, it gives them the opportunity to vote on determining on what the abortion policy is in Michigan but also vote for Republican candidates.”

Keep hope alive, dude! And also chick!

What's that? If you ain't got Tudor Dixon then your roads could use some fixin'? Lol nah.

Also we are not a psychic wizard, but we are pretty sure it is an omen when the last name of the GOP strategist quoted in the Washington Post article about the abortion vote is "Roe."

Also, we all remember how this went in Kansas, which is a very red state, whereas Michigan is not that.

Go fight win, Michigan voters! Onward to November!

[Washington Post / opinion]

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here!

Have you heard that Wonkette DOES NOT EXIST without your donations? Please hear it now, and if you have ever enjoyed a Wonkette article, throw us some bucks, or better yet, SUBSCRIBE!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons.

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc