Middle Class Better Off Than It's Been Since Bush's Financial Crisis, THANKS OBAMA
Obama and his friend talk about the economy!
Big sexxxy economic news came out Tuesday! (It IS TOO sexxxy, because Wonkette is the only place where "economy" news is sexxxy. Just go with the illusion.) Basically, according to the Census Bureau's annual report, 2015 was a really great year for getting America back on track and Making America Great Again, specifically for the middle class. Here's the short version from the White House, with a video of President Obama splaining all the good news:
In 2015, household income grew at the fastest rate on record, the poverty rate fell faster than at any point since 1968, and the uninsured rate continued to fall.
So, in 2015, American household incomes grew by an average of 5.2%, with the most significant percentage gains happening for the middle and lower classes. In fact, the gains were so significant that this is the first timesince the recession that middle-class households' incomes have actually gone up. (Remember all that stuff Bernie Sanders used to harp on, about all the economic gains going to the top 1%, with little left for anybody else? There are gains going to "anybody else" now!)
Of course these gains are for all the middle class, so Trump supporters who aren't rich should take heart, because their baskets of deplorables are all worth more moneys under Obama, thanks Obama!
But don't worry, rich people, you got some gains too! Even if you are a greedy-as-fuck Republican richie rich, you can rest easy knowing you acquired More Dollars in 2015, and the Census Bureau says these trends have continued into 2016. Isn't that nice? Now, use your noodles and tell us if you think you have a better chance of continuing that with Hillary in the White House, or with Donald Trump, whose election really could actually trigger a global financial crisis all by itself.
More wonderful news: The number of people under the poverty line "fell by 3.5 million from 2014 to 2015, and the official poverty rate fell to 13.5 percent due to the largest one-year drop since 1968." Hooray, rich Republicans, that means there are fewer people using YOUR TAX DOLLARS to buy lobster diamond-encrusted Obamaphones to take on Caribbean cruises than ever! And even better, there are now 4.8 million fewer children living in poverty than there were before. We don't know if that makes Republicans happy, but we're going to be charitable and assume some of them would be happy to hear that news.
MORE wonderful news: The uninsured rate keeps on going down, sitting now at 9.1%, down from 10.4% in 2014! Now, we know that's probably hard news for all those assholes out there who think ObamaCare is the worst thing ever, but it means a lot to the people who now have insurance, who couldn't afford it before. It also means that many more people don't have to use the emergency room anymore for primary care, which is #MoneyFact way more expensive for YOUR TAX DOLLARS than when people have healthcare coverage all the time.
MOOOOOOAR WONDERFUL NEWS: The pay gap between what ladies and gentlemen make actually closed somewhat! Now girls make 80 WHOLE PERCENT of what boys make, which is still not good enough, but it's an improvement. Again, you choose: Will Preznit Hillary keep closing that gap? Or Donald Trump? HMMMMMM.
So YAY! All the good news! Also, false alarm, enraged wingnuts, it turns out everything you think you know about what happens when Demon-crats control the economy is a damn lie. Don't believe Wonket? Fine, believe your orange-faced shithead of a candidate:
With all this SEXXXY NEWS, we feel we should end this post with a moving picture of Obama dancing, because he made this happen:
You can't dance like that.
Now go to your bunks and say THANKS OBAMA a whole bunch, like you always do. (Say it with money for your Wonkette.)
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.