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Did you know that Pope Francis is secretly a cousin-fucking hillbilly Mike Huckabee/Kim Davis supporter? It's true! (According to Mike Huckabee.) And did you know that the pope is being prevented from telling THE REAL TRUTH about how he was so excited to meet Kim Davis that he got her to sign his left buttcheek in permanent marker, and he pinky swears never to wash it again, Pope's Honor? He WOULD tell the world that, except for how the gay atheist commiesexual liberals who run the Roman Catholic Church won't let him. Take a bite of the syphilitic squirrel stew that is Mike Huckabee's brain, as you read the words he said to wingnut radio host Jan Mickelson:

Now, why the Vatican is trying to downplay this meeting, the only thing I can figure is that many of the very liberal elements, not only of the media, but in some cases of the Catholic Church want to distance themselves because in their elitist world, Kim Davis is an unpopular figure.

In the real world, Kim Davis is an unpopular figure. In fact, America has been polled and Kim may or may not be losing the Fuck/Marry/Kill game to ISIS and genital warts right now.

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But I’m telling you, wherever she goes and wherever I see people, in every airport I get on a plane and people say, "Thanks for standing up for Kim Davis." It’s very different because people realize that this is the beginning of the criminalization of Christianity if we don’t stand up to it.

That's nice. Every plane Mike Huckabee gets on, he manages to find one wingnut on a cross-country Cracker Barrel tour who thinks Kim Davis is the best thing that's come out of Kentucky since they started selling Appalachian meth in fun animal shapes. Great to hear.

Of course the real truth is that Archbishop Carlo Maria Viganò set up the meeting, and the pope really didn't know who the fuck this "Kim Davis" harlot was until he got back to the Vatican and checked his pope e-mail and saw that the world was upset about him swapping spit with that trifling, lawbreaking twit. Rumor has it Viganò might be out of a day job soon and have to focus more exclusively on his (rumored!) night time gig manning the glory hole at the Flying J off the interstate just outside of town.

And more of the real truth is likely that, as Charles Pierce suggested, Old Pope Benedict devotees who still have jobs at the Vatican ratfucked Francis into meeting with a fake martyr with a fake story about religious persecution, in order to make him look bad. If anybody's about to be fired, it's the wingnuts who undermine the pope, not the supposed liberals in the Vatican who just won't let the pope be his true, bigoted self.

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Oh, but don't tell Mike Huckabee that. You see, Huckabee has a disease that only fundamentalist Christian dickbags seem to get, which causes the sufferer to believe delusional thoughts about how, in their hearts, most people are just like them and agree with them, when the reality of the matter is that normal Americans can't stand fundamentalist fuckmonkeys.

Here's some more idiot talk from the moron who thinks Josh Duggar's just great, that legal gay marriage means we can probably buy black people, and that Syrian refugees are only coming to America for our Comcast:

I’d like to think that at some point the pope might start reading the press clips and maybe fire some of the people who are trying to represent him. I know, as a candidate, if I had press people that were out there misrepresenting my views, they wouldn’t be my press people any longer.

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Yeah, again, the people likely to get fired here are the same folks Huckabee is likely to run into on the Phyllis Schlafly S&M Slip 'N' Slide in the leathersex dungeon at the Values Voter Summit. 

Sorry, Huck. Everybody hates you, and everybody hates Kim Davis, including Pope Nice-Nice. He's just too Nice-Nice to say it out loud.

[Right Wing Watch]

 

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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