Mike Huckabee Has Thoughts On Biden, Popeye, And Congressional Farts, Hey Where Are You Going?

fox news

Mike Huckabee knows why people aren't getting vaccines, and it's not why you think. (You think it's because Nicki Minaj's cousin's balls are so big and you're like no I cannot have balls that big, therefore no vaccines for me.) (You also think it is because there is a big sale on horse paste and you'll just get some of that instead.) (You idiot.)

Anyway, the reason people aren't getting vaccines, Mike Huckabee says, is because Joe Biden isn't exciting enough when he tells the story of why people need to get vaccinated, he doesn't even make any balloon animals or otherwise try to entertain Americans when he's telling the story, and also, it is because Congress won't admit that it farts.

These are words from a former American governor who is a very serious person, on Sean Hannity's program:


MIKE HUCKABEE: Here's the thing.

This is it, here it is.

When my mother wanted me to eat spinach, she didn't try to tell me about the virtues of vitamin E. She told me Popeye ate spinach and I'd be strong like he was. Joe Biden needs to tell us the benefits rather than scaring the daylights out of us or boring us to death with a bunch of stuff where he says "follow the science."

Mike Huckabee needs Joe Biden to talk to him like he'd talk to a five-year-old. Huckabee needs Biden to convince him the vaccine would make him big and muscly like a cartoon character. Huckabee needs Biden to please stop scaring him.

Of course, Huckabee does admit in the video that he himself is vaccinated. He just says that all the people who have had COVID don't need vaccines, because they have the antibodies, and Huckabee knows those antibodies last forever because of his own background as a non-scientist.

He's not following the science, Sean. If he was, he would be saying to Congress, "you guys have to mandate your own vaccines." They don't. And the reason? Because they think when they eat beans, they don't produce gas.

All the Democrats in Congress are vaccinated, first of all. Some Republicans in Congress are vaccinated. Fox News is attempting to make some kind of braindead gotcha point by noting that President Biden's vaccine mandates don't apply to Congress, as if anybody in Congress needs to be mandated besides obstinate whiny ass titty baby white loser Republicans. We are guessing that is what Huckabee is trying to latch onto here, with his clumsy point about how Congress doesn't even think it farts.

So they ask the rest of America to do something we don't have to do when we are sick of it.

All the Democrats in Congress did it. All of them. Or to translate it into Mike Huckabee's "I am just a country dumbstupid redneck" folksy lingo, all the Democrats in Congress are quite comfortable with admitting that they fart.

Meanwhile white Republicans are over here trying to hold one in probably because they're worried all their horse dewormer will fall out of their butt if they fart and then how will they protect themslves from COVID?

We just gave you that mental image, and that is 100 percent Mike Huckabee's fault and you should blame him for it.

[Media Matters]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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