Mike Huckabee Practices New GOP Outreach To Women: They're Whores Who Can't Stop Boning


Here is a funny thing. In 2008, your Editrix believed -- and said to people, with her mouth! -- that Mike Huckabee, the kindly preacher who didn't seem toactively want to skin and eat the poor, would be the greatest threat to the Dems if nominated. Since then, of course, he has become as actively nutsoid as the rest of our friendly Republican candidates. Case in point! Now Mike Huckabee has said a thing, with his mouth, to the winter meeting of the RNC. And that thing is that ... well, every time we try to paraphrase it makes even less sense. So, here you go:

"If the Democrats want to insult women by making them believe that they are helpless without Uncle Sugar coming in and providing for them a prescription each month for birth control because they cannot control their libido or their reproductive system without the help of the government, then so be it," he said. "Let us take this discussion all across America because women are far more than the Democrats have played them to be."

“And women across America need to stand up and say ‘Enough of that nonsense,'" he added.

Enough of that nonsense indeed, Mike Huckabee. IN-DEED.

First, can we point out that "Uncle Sugar" is gross, and you are basically saying women are being molested by their creepy uncle, and also they are gold-digging "sugarbabies" or "whores" if they disagree with you on the value of government programs in American life? Mike Huckabee, that's on the verge of being rather rude!

Second, women who need a prescription each month for birth control may indeed not be able to "control their libido." Fuck, buncha hot-ass nymphos out there just cold screwing every sad alcoholic under a bridge they can find, because they cannot. Stop. Fucking! And we say, GURRRRL, GET IT! FUCK THAT SAD OLD BRIDGE MAN! Spread the love!

Or they may be married women (the minute 77 percent of married women of childbearing age who use contraception, of course) practicing responsible family planning. You know, that thing where families only have children they can afford. We see a lot of comment from the right about "personal responsibility" and "welfare queens" (and lately "golddiggers") when women don't practice responsible family planning, or have the nerve to get a divorce after having responsibly born their children in wedlock. It is almost as if they would like to have it both ways!

In conclusion, we are not one of those delicate flowers who runs around screaming YOU HAVE INSULTED US WE SHALL SHOUT ABOUT THE OUTRAGE AND FAN OURSELVES AND ALSO FAINT. But you're quite right. Women are insulted. We're pretty sure the Democrats aren't the Real Insulter, though. Maybe you and OJ Simpson could go and detective it.


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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The Church of Scientology had some thoughts about Our Robyn's piece, Who Wants To Watch A Creepy White Guy Rap About Scientology? We had some thoughts about their thoughts.

Thanks for writing in, Scientology! As you doubtless realized when you didn't demand we take down our story, but requested it instead, our opinions of your weird cult and that poor young man's rap skills are protected by the First Amendment. (I learned about libel law in college and grad school but also on the job: I was in newspapers so long that I was actually colleagues with Tony Ortega -- about whom you sound quite "venomous" and "biased" -- at the very same newspaper chain you can't believe he defended! Next up, please show your due diligence by talking trash about a woman you didn't know was my mom.)

Also, a lot of your former members say on the record that you kidnap people, and stalk them, and harass them, and sometimes beat them up good, and I request that if so, fucking stop it.

The rest of you click the headline, if you want your OPEN THREAD.

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Monday's Trump-Putin press conference landed on the entire free world like a hot treason-shaped turd, didn't it? Congressional Republicans have been saying mean things about it on Twitter, and even Fox News has been less than 100% supportive! The White House communications department obviously knew it had a crisis on its hands, what with how it's generally considered inappropriate for the leader of the free world to get on all fours in front of the Russian president and wag his tail and slobber with anticipation while he awaits his next marching orders. WOMP WOMP, etc.

So the comms department typed up a thing for the president to read aloud today at the beginning of his meeting with members of Congress, about how he was VERY SORRY he said one word incorrectly during the Putin presser. That's right, only one word of that whole fucking shitshow was wrong. All the rest of his traitor words were exactly what he meant to say.

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