Smiley soulless sack of crap cuddlebear Mike Huckabee is getting so sexcited, in his heterosexual bathing suit areas, about announcing that he is going to run for president again, and as long as only Iowa and maybe South Carolina get to vote, he might win! And then it will once again be safe to join the military, but not before then, because Obama hates God and Jesus.

Wait -- what? Yeah. In a recent radio interview with Iowa wingnut Jan Mickelson, Huckabee said that "it is one of the great tragedies of our time" that Christians are being forced out of the military, or discouraged from even joining, because the president has turned it into a cesspool of secularism where everyone is mean to Christians, and also Mike Huckabee thinks EVERYTHING is a tragedy:

This administration has had an open hostility toward the Christian faith. And I know that sounds like a bold statement, Jan, but when you have a president whose administration orders its chaplains to put their Bible away, not to pray in Jesus name, not to counsel people on the issues of sexual morality -- when you have this attitude that is more about promoting gay marriage and gay rights in the military than it is about being able to protect religious liberty for those people of faith, it’s going to be hard to find people that are truly devoted people of faith and Christian believers and Orthodox Jews and others. Why would they want to be in a military that would be openly hostile and not just simply bring some scorn to their faith, but would punish them for it?

We have it on good authority that Orthodox Jews are not discouraged from joining the military just because they cannot pray in Jesus's name or try to convert the sinners, because Jews don't do that, but nice of Huck to toss that mention in there like it's not just whiny-ass fundamentalists like him who are concerned about "religious liberty," you know, as if he gives a damn about the religious liberty of The Jews and "others." And by nice, we mean GO FUCK YOURSELF, YOU FUCKING FUCK.

Anyway, because our godless heathen secret Muslim president does not believe in saying "God" all the time, even though he says "God" ALL THE TIME, those who might be inclined to tell their kids to go die in a war somewhere, anywhere, should just sit tight and wait until Pastor Huck wins Iowa and maybe South Carolina:

There’s nothing more honorable than serving one’s country and there’s no greater heroes to our country than our military, but I might suggest to parents, I’d wait a couple of years until we get a new commander-in-chief that will once again believe "one nation under god" and believe that people of faith should be a vital part of the process of not only governing this country, but defending this country.

Aw, that's nice too. (See above re: "nice.") More of the same Republican claptrap that's so popular nowadays about how President Obama's presidency is not, like, a real presidency, so the normal rules -- respecting the office even if you don't like the man, not talking trash about him (or her, real soon!) to our enemies and the whole world, and not saying, "Ya know, I'd rather support a different country's interests over ours, because screw you, Obama" -- do not apply.

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Besides, as Huckabee accidentally (or ugh, maybe on purpose) notes, any real Bible-humping Jesus-loving Christian (or Orthodox Jew or "other") should only want to kill all the bad guys, to death, if sent to do so by a president who says "This is for Jesus, MOTHAFUCKAS." Otherwise, what's the point?

[National Journal / map via @pblest / RightWingWatch via JoeMyGod]