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Mike Huckabee: Ted Nugent's Song About Ladies' Vaginas Really Just About Kitty Cats

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Mike Huckabee should probably stop talking now. After being universally mocked for writing in his new book that the Obamas belong in bad-parent prison for letting their daughters listen to Beyonce's whore music -- which is basically the same thing as buying them a stripper pole -- he was then universally mocked even more for that time he was getting his rock on to a song about sexing ladies, with his BFF Ted Nugent, "an outspoken rocker and a political commentator, but above all, he’s a patriot."

That's different, of course, says the Huckster, because Nugent's song about sexing ladies is different, because it's just different, so it's different, see? And unlike Beyonce's music, it is definitely not responsible for the utter destruction of American morality. Besides, according to an interview he gave to the Christian Post, when Huckabee jammed with Nugent to the song about sexing ladies, Nugent changed the lyrics of his song so it was not about sexing ladies and therefore did not openly encourage parents to buy their slutty daughters stripper poles:

First of all, Ted changed the lyrics pretty dramatically when he sang it on the stage that time. And secondly, I wasn't sitting down with my teen-aged daughter, my daughter, who is, of course, an adult now and has her own children.

It has to do with the propriety of the context. Again, I'm not a prude. I'm aware that there are certain expressions that in certain contexts would not be considered inappropriate. Now frankly, I think some of the gyrations of a stripper pole, I'm not sure how wholesome that is at any time. And, you know, I'm sure I'll deserve some criticism I take for things I do and that's one of the reasons we have free speech in America.

Hmm, if only there were some way to see how dramatically Nugent changed the lyrics of "Cat Scratch Fever" so it is not about sexing ladies. Oh, hey, there is! Let's watch the video, shall we?

In case you're not in the mood for bleeding ears, here is a sampling of those "changed lyrics":

Well, the first time that I got it I was just ten years old

I got it from some kitty next door

An' I went to see the doctor and he gave me the cure

I think I got it some more [...]

Well, I make the pussy purr with the stroke of my hand

They know they gettin' it from me

They know just where to go when they need their lovin' man

They know I'm doin' it for free

Maybe Huckabee really thinks these lyrics are about scratching actual kitty cats. It's just a nice family-friendly song about America's favorite household pet. Yeah, that's it.

Except that Huckabee seems to understand maybe "I make the pussy purr" is some sort of metaphor that does not actual refer to felines because of how he defends himself by saying it's not like he actually exposed his teen-age daughter to this music, unlike the soul-corrupting Obamas, so again, it's totally different. But then, if these "changed" lyrics are so harmless, why would it not be OK for his daughter to listen to them in the first place? Hmmm.

Like Huckabee says, good thing we have free speech in America (for now, until Obama destroys that too), so Huckabee has a constitutional right to say any ol' dumb thing he wants, even if it is a total lie.

[Christian Post/RightWingWatch]

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Yesterday afternoon, 45-year-old Gary Martin of Aurora, Illinois was let go from his job at the Henry Pratt Company, a factory that manufactures water valves. In response, he took out a pistol with a laser scope and began shooting at random. He killed five people and injured six others who were just trying to make it through the day at the water valve factory, and then the police killed him.

His mother said he was "stressed out." He "seemed fine" according to the clerk at the Circle K where he bought his cigars that morning. His neighbor thought he was a nice guy. Some people were surprised, others were not.

This kind of thing used to be shocking, but it's a story we're used to now. It gets repeated at least once a month. It's just what happens now, and we can't do anything about it because we can't do anything about gun control. This is, the Right has decided, just the price we all have to pay so they can stockpile guns for funsies, and take sexy pictures of guns shoved in their pants. This is the blood that waters their special tree of liberty.

It's fucking exhausting. And stupid. We shouldn't have to live this way. No one should have to live this way. But we do. Why? Because some day some yahoos might want to overthrow the government, which is (of course) a completely legal thing to do, and their "right" to do that must be protected. So it's literally just never, ever going to stop.

Gary Martin, like most other mass shooters, also had a history of violence against women. In 1994, in Mississippi, he was convicted for stabbing one. He should not have been able to get a gun after that. I would like to know how and why he was able to get that pistol with the laser scope that he killed five people with yesterday afternoon. Maybe someone gave it to him. Maybe he bought it somehow. Maybe someone forgot to do a background check. Maybe he bought it from someone who didn't have to do a background check.

I am so goddamned tired of writing this article. I am out of things to say.

[Sun-Times]

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That's right, Wonkers, while we're all up here in America dealing with the terribleness, your Editrix and her fambly are in MEXICO AT THE BEACH, where they will probably stay for a little while longer or maybe they're never coming back SHRUGGIE EMOTICON. But that's OK, they deserve some time to be AT THE BEACH in MEXICO, oh no, don't get NATIONAL EMERGY CARAVANNED!

Yeah, so it's time to count down your top ten stories of the week, like we do on Saturday mornings. Shall we? WE SHALL.

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