One of the many concessions Kim Jong-un was able to get from Donald Trump while filming their upcoming rom-com Two Dipshits Do Singapore -- simply by scratching the American president's grundle and calling him pretty -- is Trump's claim that the United States will be ending its "war games" AKA JOINT DEFENSE EXERCISES with South Korea, because they're just so doggone 'spensive!

In response, all sane people were like "Uhhhhhhhhhh HENGGGGGH?" We know Trump likes to bone our alliances and cozy up to any and all dictators who flutter their eyes at him, but Jesus Willikers Christ!

GOP senators like Joni Ernst and Lindsey Graham were like "OK fine, Mister President, but NO TROOP WITHDRAWALS," because that is the thing they are going to say in order to make it look like they are drawing a line in the sand and definitely not rolling over and abandoning all principles they ever held, in blind servitude to He Whose Brain Seems Kind Of Syphilitic If You Ask Us, Not That We Are A Doctor Or Anything.

Democratic senators were more like "LOL shit, that dumbass got rolled AGAIN!"

WOMP WOMP WOMP! Mean Democrats always gotta be such dickheads, pointing out "reality" and whatnot.

We'll have a longer explainer in the morning about just how hard we got rolled by North Korea in this -- and possibly by the Chinese -- but as we wind up our day, we would like to simply point out that Mike Pence either is A) a liar who's mad he totally got leaked on, B) full of shit, C) completely out of the loop, or D) some combination of all four. And this on top of how he's a weird looking white-haired dildo brain who calls his wife "Mother"!

We'll tell this story in tweets, because ZZZZZZZZZZZ fuck you guys is why:

The CHINESE foreign ministry is announcing this? Why are the CHINESE reporting this? Did Kim Jong-un pull out his Obamaphone and immediately run to the CHINESE to say "LOL you guys, listen to what I just made Dumbshit McOrange do"? More on that tomorrow, as we said!

Few hours later:

What's that, Mike Pence? Are you briefing the senators and telling them to relax, because Fuckwaffles McOld will forget what he agreed to by morning anyway? Because that would be plausible! Let's see what a GOP senator who was there says:

LIES! says the veep's office. LIES!

And now Cory Gardner is backtracking sort of, though we don't know why. Maybe Mother Pence called and said she had one of the bottom-spankings she usually reserves for Mike (allegedly) with Cory Gardner's name on it:

Uhhhhhhhhhhhh. So we'll do "exercises" but not "war games," except Trump said we're going to cut all that shit out, and really what Trump called "war games" seems to be referring to the exact same goddamn thing as the "readiness training and exchanges" Gardner is tweeting about, and holy hell WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS ALL MEAN?

What it means is that Kim Jong-un is so excited and he's blabbing to China about it because the president of the United States can't Art Of The Deal for shit.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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If it's a day, the New York Times is fucking shit up, but today, it fucked up BIGLY.

Fresh-faced access journalists Adam Goldman and Michael Schmidt have just published what we can only describe as a drive-by shooting against Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein, which reads as some bullshit planted by the White House to give Donald Trump the pretext for his Saturday Night Massacre, if he wants it. (He does.)

Maybe the White House is tired of talking about the flailing nomination of Judge Maybe Rapey and how Paul Manafort and Michael Cohen are cooperating with special counsel Robert Mueller, and the New York Times was more than happy to help!

Or maybe it was planted by former deputy director of the FBI Andrew McCabe, who was fired by Attorney General Jeff Sessions just hours before his pension was set to kick in, and may have a serious axe to grind with DoJ officials and leaked a copy of his own memos. (His lawyer says that's not true, but he would say that, wouldn't he?)

Or maybe it's both, somehow! Or one of many other things!

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It's not every day Golf Digest gets noticed as a source of hard-hitting investigative journalism, at least outside of reviews of titanium carbon fiber nanotech infinite improbability drivers or some such. But Wednesday, some journamalisming that started with a Golf Digest story about a guy who drew fantastic imaginary golf courses concluded with that guy, Valentino Dixon, walking out of Attica prison, 27 years after he'd been sentenced for 39 years to life. Not bad, Golf Digest. We give you a GOLF CLAP. And a Pulitzer if we had one, which, sadly, we don't.

As Golf Digest says, the twists and turns of the case are a bit complex (they're unraveled in more detail in this New York Times story), but it basically comes down to a local prosecutor who was determined to railroad Dixon for the 1991 murder of a 17-year-old, Torriano Jackson, in Buffalo, New York. The conviction involved

shoddy police work, zero physical evidence linking Dixon, conflicting testimony of unreliable witnesses, the videotaped confession to the crime by another man, a public defender who didn't call a witness at trial, and perjury charges against those who said Dixon didn't do it.

Dixon had a prior conviction for selling cocaine, and he made a convenient target for Erie County prosecutor Chris Belling, who was weirdly determined to ignore even statements from the actual killer, LaMarr Scott, who pleaded guilty to the killing shortly before Dixon's release this week.

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