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North Korea Insulting Sec Of State Mike Pompeo Like A Common Wonkette

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Hey remember when Donald Trump disarmed the North Koreans using only his uncanny negotiating skills and very large hands? Remember how he saved the world and won the Nobel Peace Price?

FUNNY STORY! Turns out President Arty McDeals is actually kind of a patsy. The US broke with 15 years of precedent and invited North Korea to play spin-the-bottle with the popular kids; Trump and Kim Jong Un spent seven minutes in heaven; but after the selfies were over, Trump was the one getting grabbed by the pussy. Womp womp.


Because Kim may have vaguely promised to denuclearize some time, but he sure as hell didn't mean NOW. On June 26, analysts at 38North published satellite images showing that the North Koreans were in fact expanding the facility at Yongbon housing a plutonium reactor. (Shhhh, don't tell the Nobel Committee!)

And then the North Koreans spent the weekend ritually pantsing Secretary of State Mike Pompeo when he showed up for denuclearization talks. As Bloomberg reports, Pompeo didn't even know the hotel he'd be staying in, much less the itinerary for his 30-hour visit.

In the end, Pompeo stayed at neither of the hotels where he thought he'd be. The North Koreans took him, his staff and the six journalists traveling with the delegation to a gated guesthouse on the outskirts of the capital, just behind the mausoleum where the bodies of regime founder Kim Il Sung and his son Kim Jong Il lie embalmed and on occasional display.

It was the start of a confused visit of less than 30 hours, marked by a pair of lavish banquets that the secretary and his staff appeared to dread for their length and the daunting number of courses presented by unfailingly polite waiters. He only learned of his own schedule hours ahead of time, and the meeting with Kim Jong Un never happened -- despite strenuous efforts from his staff.

Yes, they parked him in the graveyard and wasted most of the visit plying him with food. But Mike Pompeo showed those guys that you better not fuck with Americans, dammit!

By the morning of his second day, Pompeo had enough. Instead of the elaborate breakfast prepared for him, he ate toast and slices of processed cheese.

You can pry those Kraft singles from his cold, dead hands.

Sadly, the cheese may have been the high point of the visit. After Pompeo left, the Korean Central News Agency released a statement saying they just can't with these American thugs!

Chairman Kim Jong Un expressed his expectation and conviction that good personal relations forged with President Trump and his sentiments of good faith built towards the latter at the Singapore summit and talks would be further consolidated through the process of future dialogues such as high-level talks this time.

But, the U.S. side came up only with its unilateral and gangster-like demand for denuclearization just calling for CVID, declaration and verification, all of which run counter to the spirit of the Singapore summit meeting and talks.

Wait, did they just call us gangsters?

In the last few months, we displayed maximum patience and watched the U.S. while initiating good-will steps as many as we can.

But, it seems that the U.S. misunderstood our goodwill and patience.

The U.S. is fatally mistaken if it went to the extent of regarding that the DPRK would be compelled to accept, out of its patience, the demands reflecting its gangster-like mindset.

WUT?

Mike Pompeo tried to play it off like he hadn't just been epically dissed.

People are going to make stray comments after meetings. If I paid attention to what the press said, I'd go nuts. I am determined to achieve the commitment that President Trump made, and I'm counting on chairman Kim to be determined to follow through on the commitment that he made.

But Donald Trump knows who is to blame. And it is THE CHINESE.

See, it's not that the Dealmaker in Chief got rolled. It's those wily Chinese trying to get the North Koreans to hold onto their nukes to punish US for steel tariffs.

Did you follow that?

NO?????

Well maybe if your head was full of rabid ferrets like President Good Brain, you would understand. Now eat your boiled oak mushrooms and drink your "American Cola" like a good little gangster.

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Please click here to fund us! We actually love kimchi. But not with plutonium.

[38North / Bloomberg / Korean Central News Agency / UPI]

Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.

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