Militia Boys Havin' A Good Ol' Time Keeping The Border Safe From Eight-Year-Olds, Yeehaw
From theSan Antonio Express-News, we have a photo update on the Great Big Militia Border Protection Jamboree, which appears to have actually drawn a few manly men with manly guns, albeit a touch short of the 20,000 that one of our more optimistic deleted commenters predicted. The militia groups claimed to the paper that they have ten "teams" along the border with Mexico, and they have been very busy patrolling with their guns, taking pictures of their guns, pretending to aim their guns at off-camera targets, and crouching in desert scrub with their guns while shouting "Serpentine! Serpentine!"
The paper reports, undoubtedly through the suppressed giggles of reporter Kolten Parker, that
A spokesperson for the group provided the photos under the condition that members' faces be blurred because of fear of being identified by "cartel and gang members."
We also suppose they must be worried about the Muslim radicals and their radical soccer-shirt prayer rugs, too -- you just know that they probably have some bacon to wrap around their guns in case of Muslim Attack.
The Very Serious Tough Guys have also been posting their fantasies on Facebook, explaining that they are not at all afraid of the filthy tide of immigrants, drug traffickers, and bad guys from B-movies that no doubt are lurking out there and waiting for a chance to attack our American Way Of Life:
"(Rules of Engagement) is if in fear of bodily injury, weapons free, if fired upon, return fire. Real simple," member KC Massey posted along with a photo on Facebook. "We are not worried about an "International" incident if they shoot at us."
Chris Davis, the skeezy less-than-honorably-discharged former army man who allegedly commands this full-metal-jacketed clusterfuck, is apparently seen in some of the photos, looking tough (we didn't look too carefully). He's the squirrel who told the Express-News in early July that his border protection LARPers would act in a "legal and lawful manner," which are apparently different and separate things, but had also posted a YouTube video, since removed, suggesting that the proper way to deal with border-crossers would be less legal and less lawful, saying
"You see an illegal. You point your gun dead at him, right between his eyes, and you say, 'Get back across the border or you will be shot.'"
Spokeskook Barbie Rogers of "Patriots Information Hotline" said that she was glad that Rick Perry will be sending the Texas National Guard to the border to do something or other, but also wants Perry to know that he should send a lot more, and that "if cost is an issue" he should "call the militia. They will come if you call them." We'd like to think that would make even Rick Perry roll his eyes in disbelief.
The militias, through Ms. Rogers, also provided the paper with a list of the Very Important Operation Names for the ten groups of military roleplayers, many of whom are camping out with permission on border-area ranches:
Bolinas Border Patrol, Central Valley Militia, Independant Citizens Militia, Alpha Team, Bravo Team, FOB Harmony, Operation Secure Our Border: Laredo Sector, O'Shanessy's Team, the 77's and Camp Geronimo.
We're not sure if the [sic] for "Independant Citizens Militia" should be credited to the paper or to the militias, as we don't have a copy of the cereal-box cardboard the list was written on. We're hoping these stalwarts will soon be joined by Gandalf's Army, the 301st Imperial Stormtrooper Battalion, and the brave men of the Eltingville Comic Book, Science Fiction, Fantasy, Horror & Role-Playing Club.
Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He likes to hope that this operation is drawing militia dudes out of Idaho
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.