Mississippi Teabagger Candidate's Aide Had Excellent Reason For Getting Locked In Courthouse With Ballots, We Bet


Let's be absolutely clear about this: there is NO REASON to think that thethree people who got locked into the Hinds County Courthouse in Jackson, Mississippi were doing anything nefarious. They just happened to accidentally get stuck in the closed courthouse after midnight on the night that ballots were being counted in the Thad Cochran / Chris McDaniel Senate primary that was too close to call. And one of them is a top campaign official for tea party candidate McDaniel. There's almost certainly an excellent explanation for all this that doesn't involve electoral ratfucking. We're betting it's Obama's fault. Or the lack of prayer in schools.

The Clarion-Ledger reports:

Hinds County Sheriff's Department spokesman Othor Cain said investigators are trying to figure out how Janis Lane, Scott Brewster and Rob Chambers entered the courthouse. They were inside until about 3:45 a.m., Cain said.

Brewster is a former coordinator of presidential candidate Newt Gingrich's Mississippi operation and is currently McDaniel's campaign coalition coordinator.

"There are conflicting stories from the three of them, which began to raise the red flag, and we're trying to get to the bottom of it," Cain said. "No official charges have been filed at this point, but we don't know where the investigation will lead us."

Hmmmm! Maybe they should try what every Labrador retriever in the world does when caught with a torn-open bag of kibble: look their accusers straight in the eye and insist, "It was like this when I got here... uh... I was guarding the evidence for you!" This technique works much better if you have big soulful brown eyes and adorable floppy ears.

The other two people caught in the courthouse were Janis Lane, a Central Mississippi Tea Party board member, and Rob Chambers, a consultant for the "Mississippi Baptist Christian Action Commission" who has also worked with the McDaniel campaign.

Needless to say, the McDaniel campaign issued a statement that everything's under control, situation normal, everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here now, thank you. How are you? You see, what happened was that there was a slight weapons malfunction misunderstanding about the courthouse hours on election night or something, yeah. You see, the campaign

"sent people to the Hinds courthouse to obtain the outstanding numbers and observe the count." The statement reiterated the people were allowed in by "uniformed personnel" and then being locked inside. [sic]

Also, too, the very suggestion that anything untoward might have happened is nothing but scurrilous lies from scurrilous Cochran operatives who are probably up to no good in suggesting that McDaniel operatives locked inside the courthouse where the votes were kept might just be up to no good.

Predictably, a close Cochran ally wants to make hay out of this. Sadly, the Cochran campaign wants to make this election about anything but issues. Mississippians deserve better than this sort of distraction politics[.]

Yes, yes, and here are your winnings, monsieur. Meanwhile, over on the Cochran side, a campaign spokesbot was just as shocked and outraged, saying,

It is astonishing that the same people who are up to their eyeballs in four felons breaking into a nursing home are also up to their eyeballs in potentially breaking in somewhere else again...

And this time they can't deny that a paid staffer is involved. At some point you got to say enough is enough. How many more arrests of allies and McDaniel team members before we can say this has gone too far?

Just how big a deal this turns out to be depends on the investigation, of course; whatever the three junior MacGyvers thought they were up to, the Sheriff's Office made clear that the actual ballots were secure the whole time.

Yr Wonkette can't wait to find out what other wonderful details about this little midnight ratclusterfuck come out. Since neither McDaniel nor Cochrane got more than 50% of the vote in the primary, they'll be doing this all over again near the end of June, and until then, we hope they go at each other like caged rodents. We're betting the Democratic nominee for Senate, former congressman Travis Childers, is looking forward to watching all the squeaking and biting too.

[Clarion-Ledger / Politico]

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

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Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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DING DONG THE WITCH IS ... quite likely to land on her feet. But for today, the New York Times reports Dana Loesch is out of a job, the latest casualty in the war between the NRA and its longtime advertising company Ackerman McQueen. But every cloud has a silver bullet lining, since Dana will have more free time now to spend on her favorite hobby. We can't wait to see which cartoon character she photoshops Klan hoods onto next. Maybe she'll branch out and start putting Nazi armbands onto Buzz Lightyear. Oh, we would be so triggered!

As one of the most visible characters on NRATV with literal hundreds of viewers for each of her fascist rants, Dana Loesch was a tireless advocate for the gunhumpers lobby, always ready to call out "tragedy dry-humping whores," threatening to "fist" or perhaps "fisk" the New York Times, and expressing her hope that the Mueller Report would die in an "AIDS fire."

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