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In what has to be the best adaptation of an internet meme into proposed legislation, Missouri state Rep. Stacey Newman has pre-filed a bill for the 2016 legislative session that would subject gun purchases to restrictions analogous to those currently placed on seeking abortion. Newman knows it doesn't have even a ghost of a chance at passing in Missouri's Republican-dominated legislature, but she's certainly enjoying making the point.

“Since Missouri holds the rank as one of the strictest abortion regulation states in the country, it is logical we borrow similar restrictions to lower our horrific gun violence rates,” Newman said in a statement.

Missouri has some of the toughest regulations on abortion anywhere. House Bill 1397 offers several provisions aimed at making gun purchases roughly equivalent to getting an abortion. For the would-be gun owner's own health, don't you know.

[Before] Missourians could buy a gun, they’d have to:

  • Meet with a licensed physician to discuss the risks of gun ownership at least 72 hours before attempting to buy a gun and obtain a written notice approval.
  • Buy the gun from a licensed gun dealer located at least 120 miles from the purchaser’s legal residence.
  • Review the medical risks associated with firearms, including photographs of fatal firearm injuries, and the alternatives to purchasing a firearm, including “materials about peaceful and nonviolent conflict resolution,” with the gun dealer orally and in writing.
  • Watch a 30-minute video about fatal firearm injuries. (This requirement mirrors House Bill 124 from last year, which would have required women to watch a video with information about abortion they’re already required to receive from doctors orally and in writing.)
  • Tour an emergency trauma center at the nearest qualified urban hospital on a weekend between 10 p.m. and 6 a.m., when gun violence victims are present, and get written verification from a doctor.
  • Meet with at least two families who have been victims of gun violence and two local faith leaders who have officiated, within the last year, a funeral for a victim of gun violence who was under the age of 18.

Newman is fond of this sort of thing; last year, she introduced a bill to ban vasectomies except in cases where a man's life or health was in danger. We like this Rep. Stacey Newman one heck of a lot, is what we think, and she is hereby nominated for Wonkette Legislative Badass of The Year (state division). Of course, there are still some improvements we could suggest for her bill:

  • Require all gun shops to meet the same construction, health, and sanitation standards as outpatient surgical clinics.
  • Require gun retailers to carry malpractice insurance.
  • Require gun shops to be staffed by a doctor with admitting privileges at a local hospital.
  • Subject all gun purchasers to an invasive ultrasound. Some might object this would be medically unnecessary. Well, of course it is -- just as the procedure is medically unnecessary for a woman seeking to terminate a pregnancy.

While we're at it, how about a faked video and some congressional investigations to see whether the NRA is trafficking in body parts? We're only asking. Lord knows know they're responsible for plenty of postmortem tissue samples out there.

Newman pointed out the proposed law should be welcomed by the "pro-life" community:

If we truly insist that Missouri cares about "all life," then we must take immediate steps to address our major cities' rising rates of gun violence ... Popular proposals among voters, including universal background checks and restricting weapons from abuser and convicted felons, are consistently ignored each session. Since restrictive policies regarding a constitutionally protected medical procedure are the GOP’s legislative priority each year, it makes sense that their same restrictions apply to those who may commit gun violence.

[contextly_sidebar id="hdBN5W05WOQma7KjCyd4R9qnihATHlGw"]She's got a pretty good point there. Why should one constitutionally protected right be sacrosanct while another is made so burdensome that many women must wait a burdensome amount of time to access it?

If we know how these things go, Republicans will probably counter with some lame alternative, like not allowing anyone on the No Fly List to have an abortion.

[St. Louis Magazine]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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