Missouri Republicans Demand Interns Stop Being Too Sexy To Resist
A typical Missouri intern, we guess.
There is a thing that happens in every political workplace in US America, and probably also Guam, where everybody's just doing their business, but then this one family values Republican, probably named Missouri House Speaker John Diehl, gets a shame boner in his knickers because one of those nubile co-ed intern girls just came into the room, and before you know it, he's sending her text messages what say "God I want you right now” and wanna "leave you quivering" (probably in the vagina), punctuated with ALL THE EMOJIS, because that's how you talk to Kids These Days. And then he has to resign, for being A Gross.
And then not FIVE MINUTES LATER, as if to somehow prove that Both Sides Do It, a Democratic Missouri state senator named Paul LeVota had to resign, also for doing sexual harassment to interns.
So the Missouri Legislature is going to solve this, by God, and they're going to do it by making sure those interns don't come in here dressed like trollops or whores or sirens or sailors, or whatever it is the fine male lawmakers of Missouri are into:
Rep. Bill Kidd, an Independence Republican, responded almost immediately with the suggestion that an intern dress code was needed. He was seconded by Republican Rep. Nick King of Liberty.
“We need a good, modest, conservative dress code for both the males and females,” King wrote in an email to colleagues. “Removing one more distraction will help everyone keep their focus on legislative matters.”
Rep. Kathy Swan, a Cape Girardeau Republican, said in an email that dress codes are common HR policies in the workplace.
“The most valuable and valid internship experiences are ones where interns are embedded in the work environment, which includes the same/similar job expectations as employees, including dress code,” Swan said.
Oh look at Rep. Swan, trying to put a professional face on all this! Meanwhile Reps. Kidd and King, being Republican boys, are all "but when they come in here looking too sexy, my peener does that thing and I can't stand up without getting embarrassed." At least they're being honest.
And kudos to these men for being all equal opportunity and saying the boys need a dress code too because, hey, sometimes male Republican lawmakin' types like the dude interns too, and we can't have those boys coming in showing everybody their shaft cleavage, even if that IS the popular style these days.
Humorless Democrats are being humorless about it:
Rep. Sue Meredith, a St. Louis Democrat, said she was getting the feeling “the finger is being pointed at the young, female interns.” She agreed with suggestions such as minimum number of college credit hours completed and a GPA requirment [sic]. However the dress code, she said, should be “the same as for everyone in the House.”
Rep. Jeremy LaFaver, a Kansas City Democrat, said a dress code isn’t the problem.
“Harassing interns is” the problem, LaFaver said.
It's like they think adults should be capable of going to work without surprise jizzing in the general direction every piece of fresh young meat they see. So maybe a dress code IS needed? Or maybe you could force every single hot piece of collegiate intern ass to wear a potato sack and these gross old men would STILL find a way to be perverts. Whatever, Missouri, figure it out and let us know what happens, so we can make fun of you more.