Missouri, We Need To Talk About Jim Hoft
It is an Easter Miracle more improbable than the original: Poop lollipop Jim Hoft has the most-read news website in the vacuum of skepticism known as Missouri. Suffice it to say your Wonkette thought Hoft was once again talking out of his ass when he bragged that his fetid outhouse on the net captured more traffic in the past month than those connected to actual newspapers. However, after spending 15 minutes checking Alexa, it turns out that this is one of the few instances where Hoft was not presenting his unique brand of delusional drivel as “facts.” The fact that we wasted 15 minutes of our short existence fact-checking Jim Hoft (TRIVIA: this is more than Jim Hoft has ever spent checking facts) is as disturbing as the thought of a John McCain sex tape.
This is the point of the rant where we lay out a slew of ridiculously stupid posts that Hoft has published over the last few years (perhaps like today’s "featured story" on how Obama hates Christianity because word counts), or maybe choose a couple of prime quotes that best captures the manner in which this doughy dumbass continues to fart in the subway car with his dependable brand of transparently lazy hate speech. However, fact-checking is exhausting and that is why Satan made Google, so you could look these things up for yourself when you, say, run out of glue to huff.
We here at your Wonkette rely on Hoft’s dependable crimes against journalism/humanity for low-hanging fruit (especially when Bradlee Dean has accidentally locked himself in the bathroom and isn’t posting for WND). Yet despite the more or less universally accepted fact that Jim Hoft is about as credible a source as your average commenter on Alex Jones’ Youtube channel, the Gateway Pundit’s profile continues to ascend to the top of the greasy guano mountain that is the right-wing blogosphere.
So who is to blame for this travesty? The State of Missouri needs to take credit for creating the dank and miasmic environment in which this specific briney flavor of derp has flourished over the last few decades. Rush "testicle head" Limbaugh, the two-faced Loesch demon-hydra, and Phyllis Schlafly all hail from Missouri, begging the obvious question as to just how much lead has leached from the Mississippi River into the state water supply.
Feel shame, Missouri! Here is a man who blamed Lara Logan for getting raped and he is associated with your state, and yet you have not yet catapulted him into Kentucky. This is an intervention, Missourah. Shape up or expect to called "North Arkansas" from now on.