Mitch McConnell Out To Troll Libs By Preventing Needless COVID Deaths. We Are So Triggered!
Man, this 'saving lives' stuff really torques us off.

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell is doing his state a solid, using his bully pulpit as the top Republican in the Senate to actually not be a bully for once. In an interview with Reuters, McConnell said that folks in red states should ignore all the misinformation out there and get their asses vaccinated, only it's their arms, really. McConnell told the godless foreigns at Reuters,

"There is bad advice out there, you know. Apparently you see that all over the place: people practicing medicine without a license, giving bad advice. And that bad advice should be ignored. [...]

"Not enough people are vaccinated," said McConnell, a polio survivor. "So we're trying to get them to reconsider and get back on the path to get us to some level of herd immunity."

Credit where it's due: This really pisses off liberals, and if Republicans really want to troll us, they should all go get vaccinated, too. We are just offended and seething about the very idea of that happening, because George Soros promised us we could have all the vaccines. If the US somehow ends up with 70 or 80 percent of its adult population vaccinated, we'll never get away with our socialist agenda!

We should also add that if Republicans in in areas with "substantial" or "high" levels of COVID-19 transmission were to get vaccinated and wear masks when they're in indoor public spaces, we bet we'd become so dispirited that we couldn't even recruit children to turn gay anymore.

To further offend liberals, Reuters reports McConnell will be using money from his reelection campaign to "run 60-second radio ads on more than 100 Kentucky radio stations in the coming days promoting the vaccine." Oh man, if people act on that messaging, we'll be even more outraged, and we will cry great big liberal tears, the kind that rightwing shitposters on Twitter just love to drink. We might even go out and scream at the sky in anguish.

See, here's the ugly truth we've been keeping from patriots across this racist, colonized land that we Leftists want so badly to destroy: Every time a Republican gets vaccinated, Donald Trump gets one step closer to being restored to office. Get the national vaccination rate above 90 percent, and he'll be able to govern however he wants. We must prevent such a thing!

Nancy Pelosi told us to keep that a secret, but since we're putting this on a liberal site on the internet, we figure Republicans are too dumb to ever find out our fiendish plan. Also, Dr. Anthony Fauci has been saying he wants everyone to get vaccinated, but the truth is that he's just doing reverse psychology because he knows how much patriots hate him. So if people who love America really want to stick it to Fauci and the CDC, they'll go get a free coronavirus shot.

Maybe we should call the vaccines "racist," even though we know there hasn't been any racism in America since Martin Luther King said he hated affirmative action. Wouldn't it set our evil schemes back if that led hordes of deplorables to get vaccinated? Nothing would provoke our impotent rage like thousands of selfies showing people in MAGA hats getting the injection while they smirk and make the "OK" sign.

Now, if McConnell starts telling Kentuckians our deepest secret, which is that Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton secretly co-author every word of Tucker Carlson's scripts, we'll be destroyed forever.


Yr Wonkette is supported entirely by reader donations. If you can, please give $5 or $10 of your Soros money to help us keep pulling the wool over the eyes of MAGA types, who must be kept from knowing that vaccines would make them sexual powerhouses.

Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc