Mitch McConnell Spoils Ending Of IMPEACHMENT: TRIAL BY FIRE. Hint No Witches Will Be Drowned

Mitch McConnell Spoils Ending Of IMPEACHMENT: TRIAL BY FIRE. Hint No Witches Will Be Drowned

Mitch McConnell was on Sean Hannity's show last night, and the Senate majority leader gave away the ending of Donald Trump's impeachment. We've waited three years for this, but McConnell still ignored all the #NoSpoilers! hashtags on Twitter. He didn't coyly suggest that we tune in and see what happens during next year's Senate trial. No, he confirmed there's absolutely no chance of the GOP-controlled Senate removing the extortionist in chief from office.

Hannity asked McConnell to walk us through the process for Trump's sham trial. McConnell repeated the Republican talking point that Democrats have been obsessed with impeaching Trump ever since the election Russia fixed. He said Democrats are "finally getting around" to impeachment, as if they are so lazy and feckless it took almost Trump's entire first term to railroad him. This is what happens when you hire government contractors for a project.

McConnell calmly reassured Hannity's viewers that the Senate is fully in the tank for Trump, just like the Constitution intended if it was written by pirates.

MCCONNELL: We'll listen to the opening arguments by the House prosecutors. We'll listen to the president's lawyers respond. Then we'll have to make a decision about the way forward. Everything I'm doing during this I'm coordinating with White House counsel. There will be no difference between the president's position and our position as to how to handle this — to the extent that we can....

We'll be working through this process, hopefully in a short period of time, in total coordination with the White House counsel's office and the people representing the president in the well of the Senate.

McConnell: 'No chance' Trump will be removed from

Democrats and pundits who are just meeting McConnell today have expressed consternation that the Senate won't act independently of the White House during impeachment. Legal scholars and historians have written how the framers intended impeachment as an effective constitutional remedy even if the president's own party controlled the House or Senate. McConnell thinks that's just adorable.

Hannity claimed that during the House's "Schiff Show," which is supposedly a "clever" play on "shit show," Democrats let any random asshole testify against the president. McConnell promised a more selective screening process for "fact witnesses" at the Senate trial.

MCCONNELL: Well, exactly how we go forward, I'm going to coordinate with the president's lawyers... The president's counsel may or may not decide they want to have witnesses.

Witnesses are so damn incriminating. Who needs them? Let's hope there's at least a musical number. We've gotta liveblog this.

MCCONNELL: This case is so darn weak coming over from the House. We all know how it's gonna end. There's no chance the president's going to be removed from office. My hope is that there won't be a single Republican who votes for either of these articles of impeachment. And, Sean, it wouldn't surprise me if we got one or two Democrats.

McConnell doesn't personally experience "hope" but he does crush it under his heel for fun. If Republicans remain united and a few Democrats defect, he's shameless enough to claim that Trump's acquittal was "bipartisan."

Hannity moved on from McConnell's travesty of justice in the Senate to his ongoing perversion of justice for all. McConnell's so very proud of stacking the courts with young, right-wing hacks Trump picked out of the Federalist Society catalog. He considers this their most lasting contribution. McConnell bragged that he's confirmed Trump's 50th circuit court judge. Barack Obama only managed 55 during his entire presidency. Hannity couldn't believe Obama was so half-assed about filling judicial vacancies, but McConnell, with a song in his shriveled heart, reminded the viewers at home how he blocked Obama from performing his constitutional duties once Republicans gained control of the Senate in 2014.

McConnell is so pleased with his skullduggery he's releasing a new edition of his memoir, The Long Game, which features a new presidential foreword someone wrote for Trump. McConnell discusses their "judge project" in the book's afterword, which he says puts an "exclamation point" on his fucking of the judiciary that began with laughing in Obama's face when he tried to nominate Merrick Garland to the Supreme Court.

There was speculation that McConnell would think Trump had outlived his usefulness and dump him, maybe even force him to resign so Republicans could rally behind Mike Pence in 2020. That was obviously magical thinking. It's very clear their love is here to stay.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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