Mitt Romney is normal human man.

Mitt Romney love 12th day of month of March, because like all people who are normal human man, Mitt Romney has birthday, and all his birthdays are on the 12th day of the month of March.

Mitt Romney is 72-many years old today!

Mitt Romney staff bring him normal human birthday cake, but not made of human, don't worry! Made of Twinkie.

Mitt Romney knows what humans do to birthday cake made of Twinkie, and it is blow out candles.

Mitt Romney qualified to do that, as junior senator of Utah!

Mitt Romney select first candle to blow out, because Mitt Romney knows normal human man should always blow out candles one at a time.

While Mitt Romney blow out first candle, Mitt Romney select second candle, because it is very important to have a Candle Plan.

This is not Mitt Romney's first birthday, obviously!

Mitt Romney would like you to watch entire normal birthday video now.

Mitt Romney pleased with birthday cake made of Twinkie!

Mitt Romney even make joke about what everybody else is going to eat! Because Mitt Romney will eat every section of birthday cake!

One time Mitt Romney had birthday on the 12th day of March, but it did not feature birthday cake consisting of elegantly arranged Twinkie, he had fluffernutter cupcake instead.

Mitt Romney also like hot dog.

Mitt Romney say hot dog is most likely to succeed of all members of the meat family, but that is only because it is not competing with fluffernutter cupcake.

Mitt Romney very clear about fact that hot dog is best meat, whereas hamburger is second best meat.

If hot dog and hamburger were in Mitt Romney's Olympics of Meats, the national anthem for "hot dog" would be playing the whole time, while "hamburger" would just be honored to have made it this far.

Mitt Romney likes to partake of hot dog on normal family road trip, with dog strapped in cage on top of car. Even if it is just normal family road trip up and down car elevator!

Cage on top of car for dog does not feature hot dog meat bites.

Mitt Romney's mouth features hot dog meat bites!

Perhaps Mitt Romney does not blow out all the birthday candles at the same time, because too much hot dog would escape Mitt Romney's mouth if he did that.

Egg Romney does not like it when Mitt Romney fills the room with lightly masticated hot dog.

If Mitt Romney had one wish, he would wish for infinity wishes, and he would mostly use infinity wishes for fill his mouth with cake that is also hot dog.

Mitt Romney does not have infinity wishes, though, so hot dog cake will not get in Mitt Romney's belly tonight.

It is OK, though! Mitt Romney will have regular birthday tradition food! It is called EGG ROMNEY'S MEATLOAF CAKE, and it is just like hot dog cake in that it is both CAKE and MEAT! At the same time!

Sometimes Mitt Romney also enjoys Pancake:

Embed from Getty Images

The end.

Mitt Romney now say it is OPEN THREAD.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Hooray, it's time for yet another dispatch from Fox News's big fun week of failure. (No, we mean even more failure than usual.) While all of Twitter is being annoying and talking incessantly about nothing but Bran and Daenerys and Carl and Peg or whoever they are, we have been (ignoring it and) focusing on all Fox's sadness, starting with Pete Buttigieg's town hall, where he called Fox News a piece of shit to its face. Then we laughed and laughed at Fox News idiot Pete Hegseth, who is sending lots of begging to today's college graduates, that they might immediately get dropped on their heads and forget all their education, so they might grow up to be the Fox News viewers of the future.

Oh, and we haven't even had a chance to LOL at the epic hilarity of Steve Doocy trying to do man-on-the-street interviews in Midtown Manhattan, shoving the mic into the faces of New Yorkers who literally don't care if he goes and plays in traffic. That was fun!

But the point of this post is that we have finally learned what makes at least some Fox News viewers tick, and it is that Tucker Carlson "laughs like a girl." That is not us saying that, that is a Fox News fan lady telling the Washington Post's Erik Wemple why she loves Tucker Carlson so much.

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Old White Guys Try To Explain Abortion

Throwing the baby out with the bathwater. It's your Sunday show rundown!


Michael is out, so I'm taking over your Sunday Show Rundown. This week everyone was talking about those awful abortion laws worming their way through state legislatures. As usual, most of the men were tripping on their dicks while trying to talk about vag. Luckily, there's enough women around to ladysplain things.

Bernie Sanders went on Meet the Press for the first time in FOREVER and played his greatest hits for all the kids. Sanders criticized Joe Biden's environmental policy (which is literally just "beat Trump"), stating that it wasn't "good enough." Sanders is right! (NO FIGHTING.)

SANDERS: Beating Trump is not good enough. You have to beat the fossil fuel industry, you have to take on all the forces of the status quo who do not want to move this country to energy efficiency and sustainable energy.

But then Chuck Todd asked Bernie a loaded question about women getting "sex-selective" abortions and the whole interview went off the rails. Bernie struggled to answer the dumbass question and came across looking stupid despite having spent the better part of the last week in Alabama railing against abortion bans.

Keep reading... Show less
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