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Mitt Romney is normal human man.

Mitt Romney love 12th day of month of March, because like all people who are normal human man, Mitt Romney has birthday, and all his birthdays are on the 12th day of the month of March.

Mitt Romney is 72-many years old today!

Mitt Romney staff bring him normal human birthday cake, but not made of human, don't worry! Made of Twinkie.


Mitt Romney knows what humans do to birthday cake made of Twinkie, and it is blow out candles.

Mitt Romney qualified to do that, as junior senator of Utah!

Mitt Romney select first candle to blow out, because Mitt Romney knows normal human man should always blow out candles one at a time.

While Mitt Romney blow out first candle, Mitt Romney select second candle, because it is very important to have a Candle Plan.

This is not Mitt Romney's first birthday, obviously!

Mitt Romney would like you to watch entire normal birthday video now.

Mitt Romney pleased with birthday cake made of Twinkie!

Mitt Romney even make joke about what everybody else is going to eat! Because Mitt Romney will eat every section of birthday cake!

One time Mitt Romney had birthday on the 12th day of March, but it did not feature birthday cake consisting of elegantly arranged Twinkie, he had fluffernutter cupcake instead.

Mitt Romney also like hot dog.

Mitt Romney say hot dog is most likely to succeed of all members of the meat family, but that is only because it is not competing with fluffernutter cupcake.

Mitt Romney very clear about fact that hot dog is best meat, whereas hamburger is second best meat.

If hot dog and hamburger were in Mitt Romney's Olympics of Meats, the national anthem for "hot dog" would be playing the whole time, while "hamburger" would just be honored to have made it this far.

Mitt Romney likes to partake of hot dog on normal family road trip, with dog strapped in cage on top of car. Even if it is just normal family road trip up and down car elevator!

Cage on top of car for dog does not feature hot dog meat bites.

Mitt Romney's mouth features hot dog meat bites!

Perhaps Mitt Romney does not blow out all the birthday candles at the same time, because too much hot dog would escape Mitt Romney's mouth if he did that.

Egg Romney does not like it when Mitt Romney fills the room with lightly masticated hot dog.

If Mitt Romney had one wish, he would wish for infinity wishes, and he would mostly use infinity wishes for fill his mouth with cake that is also hot dog.

Mitt Romney does not have infinity wishes, though, so hot dog cake will not get in Mitt Romney's belly tonight.

It is OK, though! Mitt Romney will have regular birthday tradition food! It is called EGG ROMNEY'S MEATLOAF CAKE, and it is just like hot dog cake in that it is both CAKE and MEAT! At the same time!

Sometimes Mitt Romney also enjoys Pancake:

Embed from Getty Images

The end.

Mitt Romney now say it is OPEN THREAD.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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'George,' by Wonkette Operative 'Nodakastani'

Bet you guys could do with some nice things about now, huh? So let's take a break from the usual grind of horrors and nastiness and look at some less miserable stuff for a while, shall we? Oh indeed we shall.

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I don't quite know how to tell you this, but a group of anti-abortion lunatics are currently urging people to stop immunizing their children on account of the fact that they believe that because some vaccines were made using cell lines from two aborted fetuses back in the 1960s, said vaccines are not only immunizing the world against disease, but against their prayers as well. They claim that were it not for these vaccines unfairly intervening with their plans, they would have overturned Roe v. Wade by now.

The group calls themselves Intercessors for America, and their whole deal is basically that they think prayers are literal magic and that if they pray super hard for leaders to do what they want, all of their wishes will come true. They send out a newsletter filled with extremely specific prayers for various politicians based on what they are doing that day and also have an "interactive prayer wall" on their site, which is actually just a Facebook comment section of some kind where a bunch of people are posting their prayers.

No, I did not press send. Though I was tempted.

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