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Mitt Romney Rejects Climate Change In Desperate Attempt To Be Cool

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It was a close one for a while, but in the violent, ongoing sporting match between The Fightin' Vacant Skulls and their boring opponent, The Scientists, there has been a breakthrough, as The Vacant Skulls have just acquired a brand new star QB, Mitt "Mittens" Romney! It took a while for Mitt Romney to come around and choose a side, but he has now, and his side is "So, you say you don't like science? Okay then! I alsodo not like science!" Mitt Romney finally realized that none of his potential fans care about whether or not climate change is a real thing, because facts are for losers, so time to join the winning team!


"Amp up the crazy!" was the important campaign note that Mitt Romney received recently. And he has taken this note to heart, thank the Mormon baby Jesus.

Staring down a new rival who believes climate change science is partially some kind of international grant money shakedown conspiracy, Mitt Romney is stepping back from a view of climate change he outlined earlier this summer.

"Do I think the world's getting hotter? Yeah, I don't know that but I think that it is," Romney told a crowd in New Hampshire Wednesday, according to Reuters. "I don't know if it's mostly caused by humans."

Romney then tilted over and grabbed some of Rick Perry's Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK)-endorsed ideas on the environment. That is, let's not spend a dime doing anything about it.

"What I'm not willing to do is spend trillions of dollars on something I don't know the answer to," Romney said.

This is a big change from the Romney of early June, who raised eyebrows when he went against Republican dogma and talked the talk of climate change.

"It's important for us to reduce our emissions of pollutants and greenhouse gases that may be significant contributors," Romney said at another New Hampshire stop in early June.

"I believe the world is getting warmer, and I believe that humans have contributed to that," Romney said at the event.

This all makes sense though, because Mitt Romney is a believer, in that he believes things that help him earn lots of friends. He unfortunately has yet to figure out that in order to make lots of friends, one must also refrain from being a creepy weirdo, but for now, good for you, Mitt Romney, may you enjoy Mother Nature's wrath. [TPMDC]

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