Mitt Romney Uninvited To The CPAC Ball, Will Have To Stay Home And Wash His Hair
Mitt Romney! He's the kind of Republican all the Democrats don't realize Republicans actually hate, and also the kind of Republican all the pundits like to cite when hearkening back to the days of "principled conservatives," a phrase I remain convinced is entirely without meaning. He is pretty terrible, but super polite about it, and sometimes he does things that are not the actual worst. Like yesterday, when he (and Susan "Too Little Too Late" Collins) voted with Democrats in favor of calling witnesses in Trump's impeachment trial.
Not that it mattered, of course. There were not enough votes in favor of calling witnesses, so Trumpists got their way after all. But that doesn't mean they're not holding grudges. They are! And now, for his act of defiance, he is being swiftly punished by being formally disinvited from the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) by American Conservative Union president Matt Schlapp, husband to Mercedes Schlapp, the former White House Director of Strategic Communications for the Trump administration.
Oh, the drama of it all. I can picture Romney now, sitting on his compound (he is both Mormon and extremely rich so I feel very confident that there has to be a compound involved somewhere), solemnly singing a slow, haunting version of "Party Lights" by Claudine Clark in a minor key. Probably. I don't know.
The "extreme conservative" thing is a reference to Romney's speech at CPAC from back during the 2012 Republican Primary, when he was trying to convince Republicans to love him even though he was the Governor of Massachusetts.
Just to refresh your memory, via the New York Post:
"On my watch, we fought hard and prevented Massachusetts from becoming the Las Vegas of gay marriage," Romney told a packed ballroom.
"I fought against long odds in a deep-blue state, but I was a severely conservative governor," Romney said, then ripped his rivals as DC insiders.
Ah yes, surely this was a golden age of Republicans being less horrible in some way. Though it's not hard to see why Romney used to be popular among the kind of people who now support Donald Trump. Like this guy:
Alas, Mitt's absence probably won't be felt too strongly, as CPAC has quite a lineup this year. A lineup that includes the son of the fascist leader of Brazil!
And a double feature of Devin Nunes and Dan Bongino!
And of course, Candace Owens.
That's... well it'll be something.
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. In addition to her work at Wonkette, she also has a biweekly column at Dame. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse