Mitt Romney Won't Release Tax Returns Because He Doesn't Want To Brag About His Charity

Is this the most masterful bit of spin in world history? Does it beat, say, explaining why how you dropped 20 points in three days means your opponent should get out of the race? YES. IT DOES. Here is His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney explaining that he wants to keep his tithing between him and God, and that's why you can't see his tax returns:

In an interview with Parade Magazine that will be published Sunday, Romney explains that the Church keeps those records private. His and Ann Romney's donations are "a very personal thing between ourselves and our commitment to our God and to our church."

One of the downsides of releasing one's financial information is that this is now all public, but we had never intended to our contributions to be known.

That is kind of odd, because he was bragging all last week about how his "charitable" (to his church) contributions, when coupled with the actual taxes he paid (which he claims were never less than 13 percent, and YOU WILL BELIEVE HIM), took him "well over 20 percent"! (Of course, it didn't, because charitable contributions get scooped off the top and you don't pay taxes on them, so he is like double-counting, but whatevs, Mitt Romney is a businessman, not a medical doctor and/or accountant!)

Anyway, we now know why Mitt Romney is being so super-shady about his tax returns, still, and that is because he doesn't want you to know what a great guy he is. Do your charitable works under a bushel basket, or something, the Torah says. And when the Torah says "jump," Mitt Romney bombs Iran.

[ Gawker ]