Montana: Your Paradise of Corporation-Voting and Roadkill-Eating Awaits
Ohey Montana. What have you been up to? State stuff? Red state stuff? Cool stuff like fapping over how you'denforce the law by killing federal law enforcement officials? No? Something newer? Cooler? Something that pretty much destroys the concept of residency and voting as we know it? Something about giving corporations a vote in Montana elections because hey, what could go wrong? Bring it on home, Montana!
A bill introduced by Montana state Rep. Steve Lavin would give corporations the right to vote in municipal elections:
Provision for vote by corporate property owner. (1) Subject to subsection (2), if a firm, partnership, company, or corporation owns real property within the municipality, the president, vice president, secretary, or other designee of the entity is eligible to vote in a municipal election as provided in [section 1].
Hey Montana! That sounds...you know what? We can't even fake our way through this. That sounds DUMB AS FUCK. We already let corporations vote with their ginormous piles of money thanks to Citizens United. Hasn't that been an awesome thing for our democracy? Apparently not awesome enough for Montana. Instead, the state that is already home to scary survivalist militia freaks (allegedly. WE SAID ALLEGEDLY MONTANA PLEASE DON'T SUE US LIKE BRADLEE DEAN IS GONNA) is now going to be the Delaware of the Great Plains, only with actual votes on top of money-bullying.
Sounds like you've been busy, Montana and Mr. Steve Lavin, Republican state representative and certified genius. Anything else you've got up your sleeve?
Montana's House of Representatives passed a bill last week that would permit people to salvage meat from game animals killed in traffic accidents.
Representative Steve Lavin (R-Kalispell) is the primary sponsor of House Bill 247, better known as the Roadkill Bill.
That sounds delish and super safe! Some pussy Democrat got all whiny about health concerns, but super-genius Steve smacked that down hard:
Representative Jennifer Pomnichowski (D-Bozeman) spoke out against the bill before the Committee and the House, citing health concerns.
"I understand the problem," Pomnichowski said before the House. "I don't like wasting and I really hate seeing the animals on the side of the road but I think I would hate even more for someone to be picking up the animals and eating the roadkill."
But Lavin thinks health is a pretty easy issue to settle.
"People can look," he said. "You can look at an animal and see whether it's good or not. It's pretty simple. I think you have a higher chance of finding E. coli in lettuce than having issues with this meat as long as you use your common sense."
Totes agree, Steve! Lettuce is goddamn treacherous, but animals found on the side of the road are good eating for sure! Montana, we are rushing to you! We will manufacture firearms unfettered by stupid things like licenses. We will watch corporations vote just like the constitution says they can. Best of all, though we'll be eating sweet tender animals (sweet and tender because they are smashed to bits by nature's great tenderizer, trucks) we scavenge from the side of the road. CAN'T WAIT TO BE IN YOU MONTANA.