GOOD MORNING, Michael Avenatti! Last night in West Hollywood, Your Blue Eyed Boy busted the news cycle wide open with news of three more women who got paid to keep quiet about bumpin' bits with Donald Trump before the election.

There are three additional female clients of mine that have not been disclosed that were paid hush money prior to the 2016 election, whether it be from Michael Cohen on behalf of the president, an entity that Michael Cohen formed, or AMI.

Oh, is that all?

We're in the process of getting clearance from those clients to release details relating to those payments and the efforts to silence those women by AMI, Donald Trump, and Michael Cohen. And I will tell you that at least one of those women claimed to be pregnant at the time.

HO. LEE. SHIT. President Bareback is going down! Those evangelicals will never put up with personal immorality in their leader. After all, these are people of God!

LOL, we are silly this morning! That guy could impregnate a dozen prostitutes in the middle of 5th Avenue and not lose any of his die-hard supporters. They're too deep in the orange to turn back now. Economists call it the Sunk Cost Phallus.

Too gross? Here, have a video of Your Boyfriend to cleanse your palate.

Last time I checked, they weren't just handing out checks to anyone, whether they had a relationship or not.

So don't even try that shit about paying strange women to go away as a cost of doing business, ALAN.

So, now what? Well, now we wait for the rest of the story to come out. But our biggest question going forward is, WHERE DID THE MONEY COME FROM? Because a whole stack of six- or seven-digit peener payouts didn't just come out of the petty cash drawer.

Did AMI front the money to catch-and-kill these stories to protect Trump during the campaign? And if so, did they coordinate the purchase with the candidate, perhaps intending to get reimbursed later? Remember, the tape that leaked last month two days ago(!) proves that Trump and Cohen knew that AMI had bought Karen McDougal's story expressly to prevent its publication -- a tangible benefit to the campaign, and likely a violation of campaign finance law. Particularly since AMI was willing to sell the story to Trump for the same $150,000 it paid to McDougal, i.e. not even bothering to recoup the thousands of dollars in legal fees they'd paid to close the deal.

Was the money paid by the Trump Organization? Because there again you could have a serious campaign finance violation, since the payoffs massively exceed contribution limits. And hey, look there's the Trump Organization's CFO Allen Weisselberg getting subpoenaed to testify in the SDNY's probe of Michael Cohen's shady, shady shit. Hell of a coincidence that Trump's lawyer Alan Futerfas decided to call him a coffee boy two days ago, huh?

And even if Trump paid the money out of his own pocket -- there's a first time for everything, right? -- that's still a contribution/loan to his own campaign, which he had to declare by law.

Or could it be ... NO!!!! Even Michael Cohen could not have been stupid enough to take out another mortgage and launder the payments through that same ridiculous shell company that he recycled from the Stormy payoff for his AHEM, CONSULTING FEES, could he?


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Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.

Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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