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Mormons Apparently Not Allowed To Do Sex With Their Mouths

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General JC Christian, Patriot,points us to these sad LDS sex-rules that are doubtless responsible for making Miffed and Egg Romney such delightful humans to be around:


LDS President Harold B. Lee: I was shocked to have you raise the question about 'oral lovemaking in the genital area among married couples.' Heaven forbid any such degrading activities which would be abhorrent in the sight of the Lord. For any Latter-day Saint, and particularly those who have been taught in the sacred ordinances of the temple, to engage in any kind of perversions of this sacred God-given gift of procreation, would be sure to bring down the condemnation of the Lord whom we would offend were we to engage in any such practice.

Even Pat Robertson thinks it is cool by God if ladies suck on and fondle their husbands' penises and balls!

Meanwhile, Josh Fruhlinger claims with no firsthand evidence that Mormon teens do a thing! "It is called 'parking' and it involves a boy putting his thingie in a girl's hoo-hah but then the two of them remain absolutely still. According to mormon teen lore, this means it doesn't count, for god." IS THIS TRUE? Well, it has an entry in UrbanDictionary, so OBVIOUSLY IT IS TRUE.

We are sad for you today, Mormons. Maybe you could be more like Catholics, and just do whatever you like! (Like vote for Obama even though Kathryn Jean Lopez and some bishop say that will imperil your eternal soul.)

[PatriotBoy]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Tough week for Suzanne Israel Tufts, the nice Trump campaign lady with no experience doing investigations who was almost appointed to oversee, or at least overlook, the Interior Department's four ongoing investigations into Ryan Zinke's "ethics," for want of a better word. Not only did she not get that nice job as acting inspector general after the media got hold of the story and everyone said it stank to high heaven, but Tufts, who had been employed at the Department of Housing and Urban Development, suddenly up and quit that job too late Friday. Pour out a 40 (gallon barrel of industrial waste, into a poor community's water source) for her, won't you?

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Once again, the Trump administration is coming after birth control. Specifically, they are looking to issue rules that would roll back the Affordable Care Act mandate that requires that most employers provide insurance that covers it, which would leave god knows how many women across the country without access. The administration had previously attempted to eliminate this mandate last year, but said attempt was blocked by two federal judges on the grounds that doing so would cause "serious and irreparable harm."

But now they're trying again, because forcing people to have unwanted children just seems like a really fantastic time to them, I guess. If these rules manage to get passed, and if the Supreme Court overturns Roe v. Wade as it is expected to, the Right will soon be closer than ever to the future filled with barefoot and pregnant women making them sandwiches that they have always dreamed of. For the rest of us, it will be a pretty shitty time.

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