Quick, get the Drano! The Hairballs are back, coughing up phlegm all over Lou Dobbs's desk during the nightly White Rage and Denture Cream Jamboree! After Republicans' freight train of bullshit was derailed by two career foreign service officers explaining that the solution to Ukrainian corruption does not involve siccing that country's prosecutors on Joe Biden's son, wingnut lawyers Victoria Toensing and Joe diGenova swung into action. These patriotic attorneys for Russian mobster Dmitry Firtash know exactly who to blame when conspiracy theories are cruelly cut down in their prime by the dastardly Facts and Logic branch of the MS13 gang.

Can you guess who it is? Can you?

It is DA JOOZ!!!✡!!!!!!!!✡!!✡

Oh, sorry, we meant George Soros. AHEM.

There's no doubt that George Soros controls a very large part of the career Foreign Service of the United States State Department. He also controls the activities of FBI agents overseas, who work for NGOs, work with NGOs. That was very evident in Ukraine! And [George] Kent was part of that. He was a very big protector of Soros. His testimony today showed this kind of a stern sort of discomfort with not being included in certain discussions. But the truth is, George Soros had a daily opportunity to tell the State Department through Victoria Nuland what to do in Ukraine. And he ran it, Soros ran it. He corrupted FBI officials, he corrupted Foreign Service officers, and the bottom line is this: George Soros wants to run Ukraine, and he's doing everything he can, to use every lever of the United States government, to make that happen. For business interests, not for good governments interests.

It's really a magnum opus of anti-semitic tropes. All that's missing is the reference to a hooked nose. And Steve King for one was there to run with it. Behold his (since deleted!) tweet libeling Soros's son Alexander as the "whistleblower." (Alexander Soros does not work in government.)

Obviously, an 89-year-old billionaire philanthropist controls the United States government. And because Soros is BAD, and he founded the Open Society Foundation which supports anti-corruption NGOs in Ukraine, it follows that the corrupt oligarchs they oppose must be GOOD. Because Jews never have altruistic motives, of course, so they can't be supporting good government groups to make the world a better place. Soros just wants to "run Ukraine" so he can make money, in some nebulous, undefined way. So when George Kent and Marie Yovanovitch discourage Ukrainian prosecutors from locking up good-government activists, it's because they're puppets of an evil, nonagenarian Holocaust survivor. The invocation of Kent's predecessor Victoria Nuland, who is of Ukrainian-Jewish descent, is really the toothpick in the shit sandwich here.

Well, no, actually the toothpick is Dmitry Firtash, the Ukrainian oligarch paying Toensing and diGenova for their services. Firtash, whom the FBI described as an "upper-echelon [associate] of Russian organized crime," supported the pro-Russian Party of Regions, the massively corrupt Ukrainian ruling party evicted in the Revolution of Dignity in 2014. Firtash has been fighting extradition to the US to face bribery charges since 2015 and recently enlisted the law firm of Hairball & Hairball in an attempt to get the US Justice to drop the charges against him in exchange for false affidavits framing Joe Biden. Unlike Soros, Firtash really does want to rig the Ukrainian government for his own financial benefit.

Here's how the Atlantic Council described Firtash's arrangement to siphon off billions from his country's natural gas trade last year before Volodymyr Zelenskiy won in a landslide on an anti-corruption platform.

The heist was devised years ago by mafia kingpin Semion Mogilevich, and has been fronted by Dmytro Firtash with the blessing of Russian President Vladimir Putin and his insiders. It was simple: A foreign intermediary company was established to buy gas from Gazprom, then sell it to Ukraine's utility Naftogaz for huge profits that would then be diverted to Russian and Ukrainian politicians and officials.

The offshore intermediary was dismantled in 2016, but Firtash immediately devised another gambit. He now controls "zombie" intermediaries, or regional gas distribution companies inside Ukraine, that Naftogaz is legally obliged to sell eleven billion cubic meters of gas (about one-third of the market) at prices that are 50 percent below market. Worse, most of these zombies never pay for the gas, and Naftogaz cannot collect the bad debts in a timely fashion or cut off gas supplies. This includes companies that supply gas to Russian-occupied Crimea and Donbas and never pay for it.

The ultimate responsibility for Naftogaz rests with Ukraine's Cabinet of Ministers, overseen by the president and prime minister. They have done nothing but tinker with regulations, only to have them clawed back later.

None of which Toensing and diGenova mentioned last night when they were screaming those lies about bloodsucking Jews. And, by the by, their "translator" Lev Parnas has been trying to collect $200 million Firtash thinks he's owed, and get the oligarch's allies on the board of Naftogaz. But that's probably a coincidence, right? In another shocking coincidence, anti-semitic attacks are at record highs in the US since Donald Trump's election.

On a personal note, my own grandfather changed his name to sound less Jewish, and he was still purged from the State Department during the Red Scare. So FUCK YOU from the very bottom of my heart, Hairballs.

[Atlantic Council]

Follow Liz (AKA your FDF) on Twitter!

Please click here so your Wonkette can keep on keepin' on.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc