MyPillow Guy Reschedules Trump's Glorious Return For ... Um ... Not Sure

The only reasons we are updating this story with any kind of regularity is because A) as Anne Applebaum writes in a long-read for The Atlantic, this pillowslip full of batshit literally could destroy democracy, and B) it's useful to watch cult leaders lose their marbles as their prophecied Armageddon days come close and then pass, and watch them move the goalposts accordingly.

Just over a week ago, when it was still July, Mike Lindell was saying, with his mouth open out loud where people could hear him, that once his long-heralded SYMPOSIUM happened — we assume in a conference room at some Best Western that wasn't busy with an Amway party — Joe Biden would surely see the results and resign in shame, probably on the morning of August 13. It just made sense! Mike Lindell has these packet captures! The voter fraud would be exposed! China did it! The Supreme Court would see the results from the symposium! Maybe they would be staying at the same Best Western!

Kids, it's August now. The 13th is close. The prophecied date for the end of the world is about to come and go. And now Lindell says Donald Trump will be reinstated ... um ... well ... Mike Lindell just has a lot going on, OK? This is what he said Monday to the Daily Beast:

"We'll be bringing our findings to the Supreme Court in late August or early September, some time after the cyber-symposium ends, and it proves it was an attack by China," Lindell told The Daily Beast of non-existent election fraud, and an upcoming event devoted to the same. "When I gave my prediction about August, and that was several months ago, that was an estimate at the time. But it took so long to get this symposium set up. However long it takes for the Supreme Court to take it up and decide on this, I can't predict that. I'm not the Supreme Court."

Mike Lindell could not possibly predict!

The next Supreme Court term still doesn't start until October 4. Maybe somebody finally informed Lindell of that, but he's just too embarrassed to admit he's been running his mustache hole all these months without ever bothering to check when the Supreme Court is available to overturn democracy. Of course, their docket for the fall is pretty set, but we guess it's always possible that they drop everything because SYMPOSIUM! It's also possible 100 percent guaranteed that Lindell will move these goalposts again very soon.

Y'all should read the Daily Beast piece, as it does a wonderful job going through all the Lindell and the QAnon batshit prophecies about Trump's glorious return that have come and gone without ever being fulfilled. Yet every single time, the cult members are ready and willing yet again to drink the Kool-Aid. It even includes a fun thing about some of the nutbags' apparent belief that the Delta variant of COVID-19 was a "[sign] that Democrats were planning mid-August 'lockdowns' to distract from voter fraud." Real healthy brains they all got.

Point is, Donald Trump even reportedly was buying into this conspiracy theory about maybe getting to be president again in August, and the El Chapo of the pillow cartel admitted that probably he was the one who seeded that conspiracy theory into the former president's sad little brain.

And now Mike Lindell, well, aw shucks, he just doesn't know. How could he know? He's only the MyPillow guy.

Wonkette will obviously still be live-blogging all day on August 13, JUST IN CASE.

[Daily Beast]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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