MyPillow Guy Would Like To Invite You To A Frank Fest. No, Not Like That, You Perverts!
ARE YOU GUYS READY FOR THE HOTTEST FUCKING PARTY SINCE THE MYPILLOW GUY FUCKED HIS WAY THROUGH SOUTH DAKOTA'S FAMED CORN PALACE?
Because that happened. Except for the Mike Lindell fucking part, we apologize for even suggesting Mike Lindell fucks. But it was a party. Joe Piscopo told "I'm not racist, just kidding maybe I'm a racist" jokes. The corn-o-palooza was attended by around 1,500 of the hottest Big Lie lovers around, people who are just pretty sure Donald Trump is still president, and will ride back into the Oval Office like the Son of Man, coming on the clouds. (The event space capacity was over 3,000 and Lindell claimed 30,000 were going to show up.)
And all those guys need to really watch out because, again, it is time for the THE HOTTEST FUCKING PARTY SINCE THE ... yeah, you get the idea. And Mike Lindell's social media website, FrankSpeech, which DOES TOO WORK, is going to help make it happen!
It is called "Maga Frank!" Because sure why not?
Yes it's real. We know the poster doesn't look real because of how Charlie Kirk's face fits on his head. But it's real.
And yes, the name "Maga Frank" is stupid and shitty, but so is the name of Lindell's print-out-the-YouTubes site "Frank," which was originally to be called
Yelpr VOCL, except for then he found out "VOCL" was taken, because he had done so much research on his new business venture. Maybe he wanted to call it "FrankFest" at first but discovered that name is taken by a festival in Frankfort, Kentucky, and a heavy metal festival in Devon, UK, and also a metal club in the Dominican Republic.
Urban Dictionary says "FrankFest" is another way of saying "sausage party," and Mike Lindell does not throw sausage parties!
It says "for free tickets & info go to FrankSpeech.com" and we got some info. It is at the River's Edge Concert Park in Somerset, Wisconsin, on June 12, and it starts at 1 p.m. and ends at 5. You can get there at 9 in the morning, though, if you're worried there's going to be a line to get in. NO COOLERS, GRANDPA.
(Y'all, this place has a capacity of 25,000. This is going to be so sad. Ever heard the phrase "throwing hot dogs down a hallway"? This is going to be like rolling one package of hot dogs one at a time down the bleachers in a 25,000-seat amphitheater. "Maga Frank," indeed!)
As you can see from the poster, there are still a number of leading lights willing to bask in Mike Lindell's glory. Oh, the starfucking you'll do!
The event will star Lindell himself, so that's awesome. Additionally, there'll be a veritable "Where are they now?" of people who were influential enough for Wonkette to write about regularly as recently as a couple years ago. There is Diamond & Silk and there is Dinesh D'Souza and there is Trump-devoted former sheriff David Clarke and, you know, just lots of the best people.
Also there are a couple people you've never heard of. Like Brannon Howse, a conspiracy theory Jesus idiot who's only ever risen to the level of appearing on Wonkette once, as far as we can see, and it was because he interviewed a stupid shitbag idiot named Thomas McInerney, a retired Air Force general, who is just pretty sure this is what happened with the 2020 election:
FIVE DEAD AMERICANS, ALEX — special ops guys — perished in Germany recently, five American troops, because they were trying to seize an "election server" from a CIA facility in Frankfurt, Germany, a "server" that proves the election was stolen from Donald Trump, and so on and so forth, TRUST THE PLAN WWG1WGA!111!!1!1!1gHAZI1`11!1!
Yeah, that guy! But that's not the guy on the poster. The guy on the poster interviewed that guy.
And as you can see, it has Danielle D'Souza, who is ... [googles] ... Dinesh's daughter. Wow. We did not know Dinesh D'Souza had reproduced.
Also, as you can see, this has the full support of the Trump family, because of how none of their faces are on that poster. But hey you shut up, maybe some Trumps will come.
Did we mention the tickets are free and it would be terrible if all the kids on TikTok claimed them tonight? That would be just terrible.
Well that seems like a good place to end this post, as making fun of Mike Lindell for 800 straight words seems fair but 900 kind of feels cruel at this point.
Get your tickets, TikTok kids and K-Pop stans!
[h/t Aaron Rupar]
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