Nancy Pelosi Blesses Trump's Heart, As His Brain Is Unavailable For Blessing

Nancy Pelosi is probably taking a break from praying for Donald Trump's brain at the moment, while she instead prays about something that matters, namely the death of Elijah Cummings and the family and legacy he left behind. But at some point, we assume she's going to have to go back to praying for Donald Trump's brain, after the full-body temper tantrum and mental breakdown he had in her presence in the White House yesterday. It's pictured above.

She always prays for Donald Trump, and we are pretty sure she blesses his heart, and it is a wonder that woman represents San Francisco, because she prays for people and blesses their hearts like she was from Atlanta.

The meeting was supposed to be about Syria. Instead, Pelosi and Steny Hoyer came out of the White House to regretfully inform the American people that the president is expressing his anal glands again.

Here's Pelosi telling everybody what went down before they said fuck it and left:

What's really sad about it is I pray for the president all the time, and I tell him that. I pray for his safety and that of his family.

Now we have to pray for his health.

This was a very serious meltdown on the part of the president. I expressed my appreciation for what our troops have done in Syria, and by all accounts, from the generals, they have just really done the job very well, that he's now pulling out. The explanation for that is what we asked for all members of the House to hear, and that was supposed to be tomorrow, but now they somehow postponed it today.

My concern that I expressed to the president is that Russia has for a long time always wanted to have a foothold in the Middle East, and now he has enabled that to happen. And I have concerns about all roads leading to Putin. Whether it's a foothold in the Middle East, whether it's placing in doubt any military assistance to Ukraine, which is to the benefit of Putin, whether it's placing in doubt our commitment to NATO, Article Five.

Which again, all roads lead to Putin. The list goes on and on. That seemed to have angered the president.

Trump does get mad and experience cranial leakage when you point out the obvious fact that he is Putin's dumbest little soldier.

After Pelosi made that statement, Donald Trump, angry and uncreative, decided just to "I know you are but what am I" Pelosi's statement, which is an amateur childlike version of the thing he does when he calls the real news the "fake news" and when he and his pals, who are the most corrupt people on the planet, say they're just really concerned about "corruption" in Ukraine.

First he was so breathtakingly stupid that he tweeted a picture of Nancy Pelosi being the boss of him, while he sits there looking like a sad chickenshit whiny baby who got caught playing with his peener right in the middle of the hallway at school. He tweeted this picture, because he thought it would make him look good.

So of course Pelosi made it her cover photo:

President Brain Atrophy followed that up with another tweet where he ... just basically copied Pelosi's own words about him some more:

Stable Genius indeed.

So what really happened in the meeting? According to reporter Yamiche Alcindor, it was apeshit: Trump kept telling Pelosi she was a "third-grade" politician, because of how he is too stupid to know that the expression is "third-rate." (Hoyer and Chuck Schumer say Trump did say "third-rate," but we trust Pelosi on this one.)

Pelosi reportedly told Trump she wishes he was a politician (instead of just a stupid idiot who thinks it's clever to put "hyphens" -- better known as apostrophes -- at the end of misspelled words when he's tweeting insults). And apparently she said the exact same things she said in her statement above, about how Putin has wanted a foothold in the Middle East forfuckingever, and that Trump just handed it to him tied up with a bow like he always does, because with him "all roads lead to Putin." (They really do!)

Roll Call has more:

At one point, they said, he contended "communists" are now among the Islamic State group's ranks, telling the Democrats "and you guys might like that."

Yeah OK whatever, Mr. Wizard.

More "bless your heart" shade from Pelosi:

Oh yeah, and have y'all seen THE LETTER? The Stable Genius letter Trump apparently sent Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan last Wednesday, a few days after Trump gave him explicit permission to start massacring and ethnic cleansing our allies the Kurds? Like the picture above that Trump tweeted out, Trump reportedly handed this out during the meeting, because he really truly thinks this is what a smart and good and perfect and beautiful letter looks like.

Dear Turkey,

Let's work out a good deal! Don't be a tough guy! Be good guy, do not be DEVIL! Also do not be fool! Do not kill everybody right now even though I said you could because you are making me look like idiot!

Love ya like a sister, call you later,


(That is a Treason Paraphrase.)

Not only did Trump hand out the letter to the congressional leaders -- because he was so proud of it! -- the letter was initially tweeted by reporter Trish Regan from the Fox Business network, which means he leaked it directly to Trump TV because HE IS SO STUPID HE WANTED PEOPLE TO SEE THIS.

What happened when Erdoğan got the letter? He threw it in the garbage, because that is how much of America's strength and standing Donald Trump has destroyed in just three years, that the leader of Turkey literally throws personal letters from the American president in the garbage.

Pelosi allowed that Trump was probably upset during the meeting because the House on Wednesday voted overwhelmingly (354-60!) to condemn his incredibly stupid and dangerous decision to withdraw American troops in Syria without a plan to keep them safe or keep Turkey from massacring our allies the Kurds, which (surprise!) they are doing right now. That's to be expected, since in Trump's official announcement, he basically said AND NOW TURKEY GONNA MURDER SOME KURDS! House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy voted against Trump, and Steve Scalise voted against Trump, and Liz Cheney voted against Trump. So many Republicans voted against Trump, and the resolution they voted for specifically says that Trump's dumbass Syria decision, after he got rolled on the phone by the leader of Turkey, redounds to the benefit of Vladimir Putin.

So yeah, Trump was probably having VERY MANY FROWNY EMOJIS yesterday, in his nonexistent soul.

Anyway, in summary and in conclusion, Nancy Pelosi beat the shit out of Trump again yesterday and it was hilarious.

Also, being dead serious here, the so-called leader of the free world is a petulant and stupid child and his Syria decision has already killed lots of people and will kill many more and oh yeah, his Syria decision also just happened to be a wet birthday lapdance for Vladimir Putin, because everything he does is a wet birthday lapdance for Putin, hey that is a really gross phrase, "Wet Birthday Lapdance," should we say it again?

Wet birthday lapdance.

We are so fucked.

[Roll Call]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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