Often when there is a 9/11-grade event, afterward comes a commission or a select committee, to investigate what went wrong, and what could be done in the future to prevent or mitigate such a disaster. (Sometimes they do select committees to find out if Hillary Clinton was alone the whole night she did Benghazi with her emails, or if she was in the tub with Huma at the time. But that's when Republicans are in charge.)

Donald Trump has fucked up America's response to coronavirus to the point that we now have twice as many confirmed cases as either Spain or Italy, almost three times as many as China ever had, and probably millions more undetected. Therefore, Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced today that she is creating the House Select Committee on the Coronavirus Crisis, led by House Majority Whip James Clyburn. For now, it will oversee the ongoing federal response to coronavirus, and then afterward, once shit settles down and the world is not quite as completelyfuckingonfire, it will investigate where everything went wrong. (SPOILER: It started going wrong when James Comey sent his letter 11 days before the 2016 election, and when Russia helped the Trump campaign steal that election by a handful of votes in three Rust Belt states.)

"The panel will root out waste, fraud and abuse. It will protect against price-gouging, profiteering and political favoritism," Pelosi told reporters, adding that the panel will wield subpoena power. "We need transparency and accountability."

And then like we said, investigation comes later:

"Is there need for an after-action review? Absolutely," Pelosi said. "But I don't want to wait for that, because we're in the action right now."

So basically, Pelosi's team is gonna #cop this shit while it's still ongoing, and then afterward, it's going to go back and take a more thorough look. This comes after House Intelligence Committee chair Adam Schiff said in an interview with the Washington Post that we need a damn commission to see where it all went wrong:

"We will need to delay the work of the commission until the crisis has abated to ensure that it does not interfere with the agencies that are leading the response," Schiff explained in an email. "But that should not prevent us from beginning to identify where we got it wrong and how we can be prepared for the next pandemic."

Makes enough sense.

Y'all, Stuart Varney, one of the old-balls-ass white dudes who works at Fox Business — we don't think he is just Lou Dobbs fakin' like he's British, but who knows — is SO MAD.

Media Matters got the transcript:

STUART VARNEY (HOST): We're seven months from the election, and the Democrats know they have a problem.

Oh yes, Donald Trump, the most loathed president in history, is overseeing the federal response to a pandemic that's been so bunglefucked that their goal is a bodycount equivalent to between 33 and 81 9/11s, what a biiiiiiig problem Democrats have!

So what are they going to do? Speaker Pelosi has something up her sleeve — how about a new round of investigations, timed for September and October, right before the election?

It's very far up her sleeve, the way she just said it out loud in public today, with her mouth.

The speaker went to the very friendly territory of CNN, and called for quote, "an after-action review." You know what that means? After the virus, investigate the president's actions and come up with some dirt, some kind of a scandal, and put it all on national television, wall-to-wall.

Like maybe "look how many Americans just fucking died, and here is how Donald Trump made that happen"? Yes, that is indeed very crafty of the Democrats, especially if between 100,000 and 240,000 Americans do the liberal agenda to Trump, by dying of coronavirus under his watch.

Will Nancy Pelosi and Adam Schiff stop at nothing?

There is no end to the Democrats' contempt for this president.

Finally, the Fox News dumbshit said something true, except it's not just Democrats. It's most functioning Americans.

Varney said something we left out of our excerpt about how Trump's numbers look really good right now, which is why #DemsInDisarray. But the truth is that Trump's numbers don't look good at all. The only way they look "good" is if you're grading on a curve and comparing only to the history of Trump's numbers. In any other time of national crisis, under literally any other president, there would be a rally-around-the-flag moment happening. (What was Dubya's approval after 9/11?) But Trump will never get that from the American people, no matter what happens, because that's how unacceptable he is, not only as a president, but also as a person. Trump has never had a 50 percent approval rating in a credible poll, his alleged "coronavirus bounce" did not produce one, and he never will.

Yes, Stuart Varney. Most Americans loathe him. And most Americans wonder what happened to people like you as children that makes you unable to see Trump for what he is.

And yes, Pelosi is going to be on Trump's ass as he continues to fuck up the federal response to coronavirus, and as soon as we're all allowed to go outside again and Congress can get back to normal, they're going to investigate everything Trump did that contributed directly to the deaths of God knows how many Americans at that point.

And if that happens to fall too close to the election for Fox News's comfort, maybe they can use Hillary Clinton's old emails as a tissue to wipe their noses while they go fuck themselves with the other hand.

The end.

[Media Matters / CBS News]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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