Nancy Pelosi Didn't Just Tear Trump's Speech In Half, SHE TORE HIS FEELINGS IN HALF!

At this rate we don't know how much stupider the news can get by the end of the week, but let's take a moment to witness the pain and anguish being experienced by Donald Trump and the basket of deplorables that fantasizes about sucking his toes for pleasure, after Speaker Nancy Pelosi treated her copy of Trump's State of the Union address like the wet, rotting garbage it is.

Oh go eat shit. Trump refused to shake Pelosi's hand at the beginning, and afterward -- having witnessed a barrage of lies from Trump, and having witnessed elected Republicans treat him like he was Hitler and they were his devoted Nazi servants, and having witnessed Trump shit on the entire purpose of the Presidential Medal of Freedom by awarding it to a bloated racist trash carcass who, sadly, has some really bad cancer right now -- having witnessed ALL THAT, she gave his printed speech the treatment it deserved. Everyone with two brain cells to rub together knows what Pelosi did was directed squarely at President Shitmouth, and that nothing of value was lost, and also that it was pretty funny.

Dan Scavino, the whinyass who runs social media for the White House, tweeted this from his personal account:

Oh NOOOOOOO! Trump signed that thing himself? What, with this illiterate fuckshow Sharpie signature, which looks even stupider than the dicks he draws on hurricane maps?

Scavino's whine was echoed by other morons. House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-Putin Pays Trump) bellyached, "He signs those!" to the "Fox & Friends" dipshit gallery, as if any self-respecting American desires to possess anything signed by that loser. Maybe toilet paper, but even then, only as a gag gift, and not for the powder room actual guests use.

Scavino, as you can see, also seemed to latch on to the running theme that Pelosi DID A CRIME and KNOWS WHAT SHE DID, therefore LOCK HER UP!

Something similar came forth from the Twitter account of the thing that happened the first time (that we know of) one of Donald Trump's mangled sperms found purchase in a human egg and attempted to form a person, with mixed results:

And here is noted legal scholar Charlie Kirk, saying the same thing:

Yeah OK.

Here is Ben Shapiro clutching his pearls on the fainting couch and dying from consumption over TEH PROTOCOLS!11!

You bet.

Okay, for further clarification, she "broke protocol" because she was supposed to say she had the high and distinct honor of introducing him and instead she was like "here's some fucker," direct quote. (Not direct quote.)

Kellyanne Conway called Pelosi "petty" and "peevish" and "partisan." Failed MSNBC pity hire Hugh Hewitt wept and gnashed his teeth that Democrats ALSO will tear up CONSTITUTION, which is amusing on the very same day the Republican Party is set to give Trump dictator-like powers to commit any crimes he wants in this afternoon's Senate impeachment vote. Hewitt's whine is actually worth excerpting, because of how pathetic it is:

HEWITT: If you vote for a Democrat, they will tear up the Constitution, they will tear up the laws of the United States. The Democrats will act like Speaker Pelosi did last night, and tear up this economy, they will tear up your civil rights, they will tear up the Constitution. Nancy Pelosi tore up the president's speech on national TV. What do you think? [...]

So, I am here to tell you. Look, I'm dumbfounded. It was a great State of the Union speech. I barely got any sleep. I stayed up watching the whole thing. I'm on the West Coast — I'm on the West Coast for budget meetings at the Nixon Foundation — and I went to bed so mad at Nancy Pelosi.

Hugh Hewitt just tossed and turned all night, he was so mad! Please remember to thoughts 'n' prayers him at your earliest convenience.

Newt Gingrich is "disgusted and insulted" and Ronna ROMNEY McDaniel says Pelosi's paper-ripping is "symbolic of the division" the Democrats "have brought to our country," and Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, who never has temper tantrums, no he never, is doing clever Simpsons tweets:

Vice President Mike Pence said on Fox News while wearing more makeup than really seemed necessary that Pelosi's actions were a "new low," said he "wasn't sure if she was rippin' up a speech or the Constitution," and also suggested that maybe House speakers won't get to sit in that chair anymore during State of the Union addresses, which is funny since the State of the Union happens in the House, which Nancy Pelosi is the boss of, and she didn't even have to invite Trump's sad ass.

Seriously, look at Pence's makeup, though. And here we thought these folks didn't like Drag Queen Story Hour!

Finally, we saved the least important voice in America for last, that of the barely "elected" president himself, whose speech no longer exists because Mean Nancy done ripped it to shreds. He has been retweeting ERRBODY, in order that they might all wallow in their sadness together. He retweeted Jonathan Turley and Townhall idiot Katie Pavlich, and absolute randos who retweeted Pavlich, and absolute randos who didn't even retweet Katie Pavlich.

In fact, it appears he was searching the whole entire internet for absolute randos to retweet, good God, this is so pathetic:

It's all like that. What's the alleged leader of the free world doing today? That.

The point is that the president is upset because Nancy Pelosi did #Ripgate to his speech and his feelings and his dignity, and all his paste-eating supporters are also full of tears, and frankly, my dears, we don't give a fuck.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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